IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Being a celebrity - such as a movie star or professional athlete - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or drawbacks?

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Some might believe that celebrities are problematic,
while
Linking Words
 others think that they are blessed with all the things they have. It is just like two sides of coins. Both
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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or
Correct word choice
and
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athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have special skills that bring more advantages. Easily
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 movie projects or
fully
Add a missing verb
being fully
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 supported by the government for tournaments are just some of that. The most obvious blessing of being a well-known person is how they get fame, support, and love from their fans. From
this
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 situation, they could show off their work and get money. From every money they earned, there would be some changes in their daily
life
Use synonyms
, including lifestyle.
For the
Change preposition
The
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 famous people who are aware
to
Change preposition
of
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 the importance of investment in
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 sector,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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could be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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CEO
Fix the agreement mistake
CEOs
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,
commissioner
Fix the agreement mistake
commissioners
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, or beneficiary
owner
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owners
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 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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. Despite
this
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, celebrities could face
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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scandals,
rumors
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rumours
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, or problems that are harmful or potentially destroy their career. They will postpone their activities, hiatus, or leave their projects for good. They might still have fans but their
life
Use synonyms
 would never be the same. Paparazzi would stay
on
Change preposition
at
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 their front door, just to capture their ruined
life
Use synonyms
 and steal their private
life
Use synonyms
. They really have a rough time coming back to their former job, sacrificing their health both physically and mentally.
That is
Linking Words
 why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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celebrities should be careful with everything around them, like
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the people they are friends with, who help them in business, or anything else. In conclusion, the advantage of being a celebrity is a real blessing. Earning huge amounts of money is one of the
blessing
Change to a plural noun
blessings
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 too. Even in the difficult time, there will be support from the people who love them.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the introduction for clarity and to provide a stronger thesis statement. For example, clearly state whether you believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks or vice versa.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points with more specific examples and details to support your arguments further, which will enhance your ideas and relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure better paragraph structure by separating distinct ideas into different paragraphs for clearer reading. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to improve the flow of your writing and make it more interesting.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of being a celebrity, showing consideration of different perspectives.
task achievement
You effectively identified key issues that celebrities face, such as scandals and the impact of fame on personal life, which contributes to a comprehensive discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • duality
  • acknowledged
  • accrue
  • endorsements
  • sponsorships
  • influential
  • recognition
  • admiration
  • privileged
  • exclusive
  • luxury
  • privacy invasion
  • paparazzi
  • scrutiny
  • pressure
  • exploitation
  • unscrupulous
  • mental health issues
  • public image
  • perks
  • impact
What to do next:
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