IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that protecting the environment should be the primary concern of governments, while others argue that economic development should be prioritized. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been
ongoing
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an ongoing
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 debate about the major duty of governments with some people arguing that protecting the environment should be prioritized,
while
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 others believe that should be better to focus on developing the
conomy
Correct your spelling
economy
.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. On the one hand, the environment is becoming significantly changed
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
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 various problems to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 health and the national budget.
For instance
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, millions of
tones
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tonnes
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 of hazardous gas
emission
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emissions
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 are being released into the atmosphere by factories
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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.
Thus
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, posing a serious threat to human health
such
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 as cancer,
lung
Correct word choice
and lung
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 diseases
which
Correct your spelling
with
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 high mortality
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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.
As a result
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, it is understandable if
goversments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 should take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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action to resolve
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this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
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.
On the other hand
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, opponents of
this
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 view claim that it is more important
to
Change preposition
for
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 governments to
pose
Verb problem
pay
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 attention to economic development. There are some benefits associated with improving
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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are
Verb problem
such as
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enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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 the quality of education or healthcare. A good example of
this
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 can be seen in citizens who now can easily afford to learn the education system or regularly take a health exam.
Moreover
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, it is often pointed out that people have a
Correct your spelling
chance
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change
Correct your spelling
chance
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 to get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 income to cover
the
Change the word
their
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 living expenses
As a result
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, it can be said that investing in the economy is completely reasonable. In conclusion, both perspectives offer valid arguments.
However
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, I firmly believe that the government should focus on increasing the nation's economy.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents the essay's structure. However, refining the phrasing and ensuring all sentences are grammatically correct will enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Support your points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer understanding of your perspectives.
task achievement
You have presented both views fairly and clearly stated your own position in the conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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