IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

35.Due to the effects of globalization, the cultures of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a natural process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. What is your opinion about this? Write an essay with no less than 250 words.

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In an era of rapid
globalization
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, cultural influences are spreading across boards faster than before.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
this
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 impact is the natural process of the universe, others argue that cultural identity should be protected from
this
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 threat. In my opinion, I firmly disagree with their concerns,
in contrast
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,
globalization
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 has brought the
world
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 close together.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view and emphasize my perspective.
To begin
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 with, internationalization has played a critical role in increasing the cultural understanding among various individuals from different backgrounds.
For instance
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, Asian cuisine was the reason
of
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for
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 spreading their culture to the whole
world
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.
In addition
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, global networking encourages people to learn new languages, which facilitates the communication process between them, and that can be seen by the growing number of people who tend to learn English or Chinese as they are the languages of powerful countries. Another point to consider is that
globalization
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have
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has
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 other
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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could
Correct pronoun usage
that could
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 have an adverse effect
to
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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minority groups especially,
therefore
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, they are struggling to preserve their own traditions and language.
For example
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, the native citizens of the United States suffered from
invasion
Add an article
the invasion
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 of their lands which
leads
Wrong verb form
led
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 to a significant decrease in their population and that made
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of their traditions disappear.
Moreover
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, some cultures have dominant the
world
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 which encourage a huge number of youngsters to copy their behaviours, regardless if it
did
Wrong verb form
does
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 not suit their traditions
such
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 as
partiuclar
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particular
type
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types
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 of songs and fashion trends. In conclusion, despite people
has
Wrong verb form
having
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 different viewpoints, I tend to believe that
globalization
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 created a more interconnected
world
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as well as
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 big economic opportunities that developed the
world
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 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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highlighted its significance for humanity.

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task achievement
The introduction outlines the topic well, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly indicates your stance on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
While you have presented ideas logically, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Make sure to support your arguments with more specific examples. For instance, provide more details about the positive aspects of globalization and how they outweigh the negative effects.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that subject-verb agreements are consistent throughout your essay. There are instances of mismatch, like 'globalization have other side' which should be 'globalization has another side.'
task achievement
You showcase a good understanding of both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as Asian cuisine and the impact on native cultures, adds depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural identity
  • Cultural exchange
  • Evolution
  • Homogenization
  • Cultural preservation
  • Cultural diversity
  • Multiculturalism
  • Hybridization
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Heritage
  • Dilution
  • Cultural artifacts
  • Traditions
What to do next:
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