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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a child's future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion .

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All parents want the best opportunities for their
kids
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. Some people think that
school
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 teaches
skills
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 for their
kids
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, but others think it is better to
having
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have
show examples
 a range of subjects is better for kid's future.
This
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 essay will convey both sides and
writer's
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the writer's
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 perspectives. First and foremost,
since
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apply
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many years ago,
school
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 is well-known as a place for
kids
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 to get
education
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an education
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. Parents put their
kids
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 to
school
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 with
hope
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the hope
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 that their
children
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 will
be survive
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survive
show examples
 in the world. It is true that
chidren
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children
 can learn many things in
the
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apply
show examples
school
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,
for
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instance
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instance,
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 maths,
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
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, arts, etc.
Moreover
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, in
school
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,
children
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 can enhance their communication
skills
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 with their friends and teachers as well. In
this
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 modern era, despite of many knowledge and
skill
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skills
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 that
children
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 can take in
school
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, there are many subjects in the world that
children
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 can learn from.
For instance
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, other languages,
such
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 as French, Mandarin or Korean, can be learnt in the language courses. These
language
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languages
show examples
 are not provided by
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school
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schools
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,
that is
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 a reason why parents put their
children
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to
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in
show examples
 courses.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
skills
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 in music, piano as an example, can be learnt
to
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at
show examples
private
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a private
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course
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courses
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 or music
school
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. These
skills
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 are needed to give extra points
in
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to
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
curricullum
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 vitae and boost their confidence. In conclusion,
writer
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the writer
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 believes that
kids
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 can get education and
skills
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 in many areas, from
school
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 to courses. The opportunity will come to those who already prepared it.
Therefore
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, preparation
since
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from
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young
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a young
show examples
 is better.

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction is clear and properly outlines the essay's focus. It should specify that you will discuss both sides and express your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use correct grammatical structures, especially with verbs. For example, "having a range of subjects is better" should be rephrased to improve grammatical accuracy.
coherence and cohesion
To improve clarity and flow, try to use more linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs. This would also enhance the logical connections between your points.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Instead of naming subjects or skills, describe why they are important for children’s futures.
task achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the topic and addresses both sides, which is a good approach to the task.
coherence and cohesion
There is an effort to structure the essay with clear paragraphs, which helps in organizing the ideas somewhat logically.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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