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Writing Samples
Band 6

The given charts illustrate information about the location of dance classes and the number of students in different types of dance classes categorized by age group.

The given charts illustrate information about the location of dance classes and the number of students in different types of dance classes categorized by age group.
The 2 graphs display  broad information about places where dance
classes
Use synonyms
 are held and variations of these sessions based on age groups in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 most dance
classes
Use synonyms
 were celebrated in private studios.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,a ballet session takes an advantage in order to
mounting of
Wrong verb form
mount
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 in the dance
classes
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of school halls is small double times than indication of private studios.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the college-based studios and community halls cover together 28% of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all locations. 
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are just 2
group
Change to a plural noun
groups
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 amount passed 500;including:
11
Correct determiner usage
those 11
show examples
-16
ages
Use synonyms
 of the modern
classes
Use synonyms
 and
under
Correct determiner usage
those under
show examples
 11
ages
Use synonyms
 of the ballet sessions. The number of
students
Use synonyms
 among 11-16
ages
Use synonyms
 in ballet and under 11
ages
Use synonyms
 in modern
classes
Use synonyms
 are equal each other approximately by 300.
Additionally
Linking Words
,In Tap
classes
Use synonyms
, under 11
ages
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 11-16
ages
Use synonyms
 group almost near are 450 and 420,respectively.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, students, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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