IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative developement?

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In the past, the majority of
people
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 lived in the countryside. Nowadays,
urbanization
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 has been developing in many countries resulting in the decline of rural area population in accordance with higher population concentration in the
cities
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.
While
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 some
people
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 might claim that
city
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 migration has positive impacts, in
this
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 essay I will argue why
this
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 is a negative development as it has
urbanization
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also
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 has its drawbacks. To start with,
job
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 opportunities might be one of the reasons
people
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 want to migrate,
however
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, in reality, the
job
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 demand and the skill availability are frequently not matched.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 many
people
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 who come from the countryside to the
city
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 end up having no
job
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 and
unable
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are unable
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 to afford the higher cost of living in the
cities
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.
In addition
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of
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to
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 the stressful
city
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 life,
this
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 will impact
people
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’s mental health and might increase the criminal level in the
cities
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.
Moreover
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, compared to village dwellers,
city
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 dwellers are more likely to be individualistic and do not have a sense of community as they are already busy with themselves.
For instance
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, many urban citizens don't really know their
neighbors
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neighbours
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 as they rarely talk
or
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to or
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 greet their
neighbors
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neighbours
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.
In contrast
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,
people
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 in rural areas like to gather in front of their homes or in their communal
area
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areas
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 as they live life more freely and unpaced. In conclusion, even though I'm aware that
urbanization
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 has positive impacts,
i
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I
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believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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, more negative impacts are resulting from
urbanization
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 are
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 are still chances of
people
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 unable to find
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 in the
cities
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 and less sense of community in the
cities
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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your main points are clearly articulated and developed throughout the essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that ties back to your thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and clarity in your arguments. This will help improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
When concluding, summarize your main points more effectively and clearly restate your position. Clarifying your stance can improve the impact of your conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics that support your arguments. This will strengthen your claims and increase the relevance of your points.
task achievement
Your introduction presents a clear stance on the topic and sets up the discussion nicely.
task achievement
You have provided thoughtful observations about urban and rural lifestyles, showcasing a good understanding of the social implications of urbanization.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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