IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Wealthy nations mostly donate
funds
Use synonyms
 to non-developed states,
this
Linking Words
 assistance does not alleviate poverty. Others argue that first world
countries
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 should give other types of aid to third world
countries
Use synonyms
 rather than
monitory
Correct your spelling
monetary
show examples
 help. I support
this
Linking Words
 argument and I will explain why and suggest other methods of assistance.
Funds
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 which are sent to these
countries
Use synonyms
 not only are
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
misused but they
also
Linking Words
 don't reach the desired targets.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
funds
Use synonyms
 which are given for building modern schools are not utilized in the right way, they build a
poor
Change the word
poorly
show examples
 structured school and use the rest of the
money
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 for things like team building which is not necessary.
This
Linking Words
 is why
money
Use synonyms
 should not be given directly to
these nation
Change the determiner
this nation
these nations
show examples
 as they will not use it for the right purpose
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 increasing the state of suffering. Another point is corruption and stealing of
money
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,
funds
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 which are sent as aid to people will not reach them but will be pocketed by
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 individuals who are the head of these programs.
Such
Linking Words
 cases are seen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non-governmental
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
, where finances for programs
such
Linking Words
 as disease prevention are stolen
thus
Linking Words
 leading to
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 burden of diseases. Other methods that can assist these regions which does not involve cash include; manpower assistance and resource allocation
such
Linking Words
 as drugs. Manpower help means sending expertise from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed
countries
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 to come and manage projects.
Example
Fix the agreement mistake
Examples
show examples
 include sending a team of doctors from advanced
countries
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 to come and help in the treatment of disease rather than sending
funds
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. Resource allocation to undeveloped regions can be done
instead
Linking Words
 of sending
money
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. Resources
such
Linking Words
 as drugs will be sent to poor
countries
Use synonyms
 to support disease management as opposed to transferring
money
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
, sending
funds
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 will not help in poverty alleviation in these poorly developed
countries
Use synonyms
 but aiding them through manpower transfer and resource distributions
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
show examples
 a chance.

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task response
Make sure to clearly outline your thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on your specific stance.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to enhance flow and clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more varied vocabulary to express your points, which will contribute to a more engaging essay.
task achievement
You effectively identify and explain the shortcomings of financial aid, providing relevant examples.
task achievement
Your essay includes a clear argument and demonstrates an understanding of the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
What to do next:
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