IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently went to a concert and thought one of the band players was very good.You want to tell how you feel.Write a letter to the band player. In your letter: Say how you feel about his/her performance Give details of your music-related activities Explain how you would like him/her to help you with you music-related activities

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Dear Jack, First of all,many congratulations on your extraordinary guitar performance at "Susanna Hall" in Dubai.I recently moved to Dubai and my sister invited me to go to
this
Linking Words
 show. I
haven't
Verb problem
didn't
show examples
known
Wrong verb form
know
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 about your
band
Use synonyms
 until now.But
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 performance, I became a great fan of yours.Your performance was thrilling and
fastastic
Correct your spelling
fantastic
.I have not been
this
Linking Words
 happy for a long time. Actually,my sister
a
Add a missing verb
is a
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budding violinist and
also
Linking Words
 a member of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tremendous music
band
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, I play contrabass and
a
Add a missing verb
am a
show examples
member of the local music
band
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I have never written my own songs and I hoping your
band
Use synonyms
 help me write my own songs Having
attend
Change the verb form
attended
show examples
 your
concer
Correct your spelling
concern
concert
cancer
,I got encouraged to write to you.But I have never
got
Verb problem
had
show examples
 a chance to meet
famous
Correct article usage
a famous
show examples
 rock singer.I am hoping you could help
meet
Correct pronoun usage
me meet
show examples
 famous rock singer Freddies Mercury in your
band
Use synonyms
. Please spend some time with me to help write songs on my own. Please be considerate of my request. Yours truly, Billura

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coherence and cohesion
Consider proofreading your letter for minor grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors, which can affect the overall clarity of your writing. For example, 'fastastic' should be 'fantastic.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear structure in your letter. You could separate the request for help in songwriting into its own paragraph to better emphasize your needs.
task achievement
You might want to clarify your relationship with your sister and her band to strengthen your connection to the music community, making your request more compelling.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm and admiration for the band player are clearly expressed, which makes the letter engaging and heartfelt.
task achievement
You effectively communicate your passion for music and your desire to improve, which adds a personal touch to the letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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