IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that parents should spend time with their children in schoolwork, others think that parents should spend time playing sports with their children

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There is no denying the fact that
parents
Use synonyms
 must spend more
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
 with their ancestors to help them do their
schoolwork
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, others
view
Verb problem
believe
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should support their
children
Use synonyms
 to
spanding
Correct your spelling
spend
 more
time
Use synonyms
 playing play.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and examples with examples. On the one hand, now the lifestyle has been changed to more modern which means more comfort for
parents
Use synonyms
 to help their
children
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 do
schoolwork
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.
In addition
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, there are many
parents
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 who do sports with their household because that will help
group
Correct article usage
the group
show examples
 to do more work at university and on
thier schoolworks
Correct your spelling
their schoolwork
.
For example
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, when I was a child my
parents
Use synonyms
 gave me
time
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 to play sports that supported me to succeed in school because they changed my mood.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 must give their
children
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 more
time
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 to do what they want and
also
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 to change their mood.
Moreover
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, many
parents
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 want to their
children
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achievement
Replace the word
achieve
show examples
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 school
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a good way but with more careful
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
time
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 and tell them how important
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
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 order
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life.
For instance
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, when I was young my
parents
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told
Verb problem
gave
show examples
 me advice about managing
the
Change the word
my
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and that helped me to improve my
time
Use synonyms
 I spent
time
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 playing sports
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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to did
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 my
schoolwork
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, I believe that the
parents
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 should manage the
time
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to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
children
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 and that will help them in their school and
also
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 in their life.
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Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the
parents
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 must tell them about spending the
time
Use synonyms
 in a good way and help them to support them to do more on their
schoolwork
Use synonyms
 and in their life.

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task achievement
Try to clarify your central idea in the introduction. Ensure your thesis statement clearly reflects the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing; proofreading your work can help strengthen your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, helping to build a logical flow in your argument.
task achievement
You offered personal examples which can make your essay more relatable and engaging.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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