IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In the modern era, some customers think they are encouraged to spend on
inessenstial
Correct your spelling
inessential
essential
 goods,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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others hold a view that significant information about new products
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 from adverts. Two aforementioned views will be
dicussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion.
Broad
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A broad
The broad
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 range of buyers are convinced to buy needless
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 after seeing the
advertisements
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. The main reason is that
advertisements
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 often make consumers feel
unfullfilled
Correct your spelling
unfulfilled
. The consumers are watching images of successful
people
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 driving luxurious cars and wearing expensive watches may cause
people
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, especially the young to spend large sums of money on clothing and accessories.
Am
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An
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 additional drawback of advertising is that it creates desire in customer's minds. Exciting and
glamoruous
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glamorous
glamourous
 images of a new product can make
people
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 buy it even though it is not
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 for their lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, various amount of
people
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have
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has
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 a strong
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that they can get important details about new products by
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
. It is claimed that no matter how creative or innovative a product is, it may not be able to help large numbers of
people
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 without advertising.
In addition
Linking Words
, some believe that
advertisements
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also
Linking Words
 help buyers become aware of various
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
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 producing the same goods. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
 knowledge, they can make decisions about where to buy more easily based on prices, functions or even locations. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the customers are buying goods and
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
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 based on information from
advertisements
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,
but
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apply
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they are still trapped
ino
Correct your spelling
into
in
 buying products which are of little use in their lives. From my perspective,
people
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 should be aware of the advertisement and only buy what they need.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your paragraphs by ensuring that each point logically follows from the previous one. You can use linking words to help with this.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay for small inaccuracies such as spelling and grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like 'unfullfilled' should be corrected to 'unfulfilled'.
content
The introduction clearly states the two views and the intention to discuss them, which sets a good framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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