IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relatioships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweigh the disadvantages ?

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The trend of social
media
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bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 many effects through social activity in society. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I will explain both the benefits and the drawbacks of social
media
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.
To begin
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 with, the advance of technology creates many applications to help
people
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 live more
easier
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easily
show examples
.
Few
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A few
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 years
past
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ago
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,
people
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need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 to meet in person to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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communication
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communicate
show examples
.
However
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,
by
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with
show examples
 the invention of technology, we don't have to do that anymore.
People
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 just need to
use
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 their
smart phones
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smartphones
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 and install social
media
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 applications to socialize with other
people
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 around the world.
For example
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,
people
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 can install social
media
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 applications
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat to meet new
people
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 and create
friendship
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friendships
show examples
 or perhaps a soulmate.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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soacial
Correct your spelling
social
media
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 is very useful and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
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 to meet new
person
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people
show examples
,
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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a good information
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good information
a piece of good information
show examples
 and increase more knowledge by learning
other
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about other
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 cultures.
In contrast
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, using social
media
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also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many drawbacks that concern
security
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the security
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 of
people
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. As we know, cybercrime
also
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 haunts
people
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 who
using
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use
show examples
 social
media
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. Scammers are trying to get benefits from social
media
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 to find
they're
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their
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 victims.
For example
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,
the
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in the
show examples
 case of
Correct article usage
a tinder
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tinder
Capitalize word
Tinder
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 swindler, the guy who used a woman that he met on
dating
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a dating
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 application and scammed her by asking
a
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for a
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lot of money and
left
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leaving
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 her
with
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in
show examples
debts
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debt
show examples
. In
this
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 case, as a
well educated
Add a hyphen
well-educated
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 person, we
also
Linking Words
 need to filter wisely to
use
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 social
media
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 for the right thing. We need to prevent cybercrime from the beginning by using our logic and don't trust
people
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 that we have known from social
media
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 easily.
To sum up
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, social
media
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 bring huge changes to our
society
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society's
show examples
 relationships.
However
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, we have to
use
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 it wisely and not
overwhelming
Wrong verb form
overwhelm
show examples
. We have to filter which one is bringing good
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 and which one is bringing bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. As long as we
use
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 it wisely everything is under control.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic, but consider refining it to clarify your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will set a stronger foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, use more linking words and phrases between your ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'relatioships' should be 'relationships' and 'they're' should be 'their'). These small mistakes can affect clarity.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more effectively and restating your position clearly. This will reinforce your argument and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
content
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which is essential for the task.
content
Your use of specific examples, like the Tinder Swindler, provides a real-life context that enhances your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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