IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities caused problems in both palces. In your oponion, what is the reason for this problem? How can it be solved?

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The changing of society to move from the farms to big
cities
Use synonyms
making
Wrong verb form
is causing
show examples
 issues in both places.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, the community needs to be near the services and that
makes
Verb problem
creates
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 problems for the
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the countryside and
also
Linking Words
 in
cities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, an opportunity now in
cities
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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makes
people
Use synonyms
 to movement to another area without
notes
Wrong verb form
noting
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 the problem they are making in that place.
In addition
Linking Words
, the places where nobody lives make the income of the country become less
due to
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 the
people
Use synonyms
 choosing to live in
cities
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 but the countryside should have a population.
For example
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, when you leave your home for one week and
then
Linking Words
 you back you will see the difference in your house because you lift it and when you lift anything without life that means the different things you will see in the same place.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
cities
Use synonyms
 have become more modern and that clear reason why
people
Use synonyms
 need to find a jobs or better life and
also
Linking Words
 that creates a lot of chances for the population to get what they want in that place.
Moreover
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, the person who lives in a city and wants to earn money in that area is the correct
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
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 get the services.
For instance
Linking Words
, when you live
in
Change preposition
on
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 a farm that means the big
cities
Use synonyms
 have a hard issue to solve because the
cities
Use synonyms
 make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dirty air and that damages the plants and trees.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that society needs to move but carefully with the environment
due to
Linking Words
 the services in the countries a lot of things come from the farms but with these problems, we will make a bad lifestyle for our community around the world.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify your main points and ideas to present them more comprehensively. Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and flows logically to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations for your points to enhance clarity and support your arguments.
task achievement
You show an awareness of the topic and present relevant ideas regarding urban migration.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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