IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities.What are the reasons?

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Many young
people
Use synonyms
 are leaving their homes to
move
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 but rarely when it is
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
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 situation. What is
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
show examples
 between
city
Use synonyms
 and rural
ares
Correct your spelling
areas
?
Answer
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The answer
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 is
easy-in
Correct your spelling
easy
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 lifestyle.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 rural areas are places where farmers grow vegetables,
fruits
Correct word choice
and fruits
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,
do
Verb problem
take
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 care of livestock and live in nature far away from crowded cities.
Far
Add a missing verb
Being far
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 away from
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
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 means far away from “
city
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 mobility” and any access to study or work in big measures.
City
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 is more different than rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Use synonyms
City
Add an article
The city
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 is big,noisy,
bright
Correct word choice
and bright
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.It is
place
Add an article
a place
the place
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 where really much diverse everything. Everything
what
Correct word choice
that
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do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you want! Everything is here,available to everyone. More opportunities to study and work.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 more interest,acquaintances,events,
money
Correct word choice
and money
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 and it has more opportunities than any of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 settlements. Clearly
that
Correct word choice
apply
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for young
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 is more attractive.From
childhood
Add a comma
childhood,
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 they enjoy every visit to
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 and growing up they have
possibility
Correct article usage
the possibility
show examples
Use synonyms
move
Fix the infinitive
to move
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 to
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.Many of them really
move
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 to far cities.
People
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 who
move
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 to
metropolis
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the metropolis
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 from tiny villages usually have interesting
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
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 their way.These
population
Change the determiner
populations
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 have unique
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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.They
were
Verb problem
apply
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live
Replace the word
lived
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 in rural settlements from their childhood , but in
adulthood
Add a comma
adulthood,
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 they
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move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 there. See more news for them that
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
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 their mind ,
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 new experiences,
Correct word choice
and learn
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learn
Correct subject-verb agreement
learns
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 to adapt to new conditions .They know that
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in
flat
Correct article usage
a flat
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,
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 in
warm
Add an article
a warm
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 place ,opportunity to study in
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 school -all of these things
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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privilege
Fix the agreement mistake
privileges
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.
Realise
Wrong verb form
Realising
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this
Linking Words
 dream
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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big
Correct pronoun usage
them big
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 motivation to use
this
Linking Words
 opportunity and develop their skills,
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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,
Correct word choice
and personality
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personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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. So it is
big
Add an article
a big
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 reason why
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
move
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
City
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to see,taste,smell,
touch
Correct word choice
and touch
show examples
 millions
different
Change preposition
of different
show examples
 interesting things in life.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on the structure of your essay. Start with a clear introduction that states your main points, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on one specific reason and a conclusion that summarizes your ideas.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples for your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer support for your ideas.
task achievement
You have identified relevant reasons for why young people move to cities, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-urban migration
  • quest
  • higher education institutions
  • job markets
  • allure
  • healthcare
  • technological and infrastructural advancements
  • personal and professional growth
  • brain drain
  • cultural shift
  • traditional values
  • dilution of cultural identity
  • overcrowding
  • pollution
  • high cost of living
What to do next:
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