IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic wolrd. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these viese views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued whether sharing a great amount of scientific, business and academic information is a good decision or not. Even though, giving access to the details of those fields people can stimulate the advancement of their areas, I believe a later way of thinking is more correct, as it prevents the knowledge
to lose
Change preposition
from losing
show examples
 its value by being maintained free. On the one hand, experts create a way to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innovative
Replace the word
innovate
show examples
 developments in their fields, as the more they share, the deeper the new generation can explore and discover solutions to the unsolved issues.
In addition
Linking Words
, not only will educatees implement a higher level of accomplishment in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 career, but they
also
Linking Words
 can maintain holistic approaches to the concerns.
For example
Linking Words
, statistics provided by the Ministry of Knowledge and Science of Kazakhstan indicate that the number of openings achieved by local scientists has increased by 45% since 2018, which has resulted in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of both education and
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
conditio
Correct your spelling
conditions
.
This
Linking Words
 upward trend has occurred owing to the subsidised workshops initiated by the Government.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, by distributing all the ins and outs of areas without demanding money,
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 may rather be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
valuable and commonplace.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, given that all participants are not professionals, some apprentices may comprehend the purposes wrongly and cause more detrimental effects, putting
Correct pronoun usage
them under
show examples
under
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both themselves and others.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the most renowned trainers in my country
named
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Zhuldyz Akbolat, was under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critism
Correct your spelling
criticism
 by the majority of citizens. It turned out that the owners of minor businesses went bankrupt as they assumed the
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
, given
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the large companies, could show the same profitable results. In conclusion, the distribution of scientific, academic and trade
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 without demanding price is causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
controversy in its correctness.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professionals can contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 enhancement of knowledge, I reckon people may stop seeing the preciousness of
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
datas
Correct your spelling
data
dates
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your introduction identifies the topic well but could benefit from clearer thesis statements that outline your main points more explicitly. Consider summarizing the two viewpoints more distinctly.
Coherence and Cohesion
In the conclusion, ensure that it succinctly restates your perspective and main arguments to reinforce your position for clarity.
Task Response
Although your examples are relevant, they could be better integrated into your arguments. Ensure that each example clearly supports the point it's related to, maintaining clarity for the reader.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as statistics and real-life references, helps to substantiate your arguments significantly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary and grammar structures, reflecting your language proficiency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • collaboration
  • innovation
  • proprietary research
  • confidentiality
  • sensitive information
  • trade secrets
  • open access
  • intellectual property
  • market growth
  • educational resources
  • knowledge sharing
  • societal advancement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: