IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that public money should not be spent on cultural amenities such as museums, theatres and art festivals. How important do you think these things are to society as a whole? Are there any areas which are more important for the government

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Many citizens believe that the government funding of cultural establishments is unjust as they are costly and
perceived
Wrong verb form
perceive
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of benefit for the general public.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 their importance
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
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 on their
roll
Correct your spelling
role
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 in
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are key areas that should be attended first. the following essay will elaborate on how they boost
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 and
in
Change preposition
apply
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the services to be attended
first
Change preposition
to first
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. Cultural institutions are important for both developing and developed countries as they foster local
economy'
Change noun form
economy
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 growth not only through entrance fees but
also
Linking Words
attracting
Change preposition
by attracting
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 visits with events, exhibitions and activities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of these amenities are considered iconic
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 attractions, which is appealing for investors.
For instance
Linking Words
, the British Museum is globally recognised, even though the entrance is free, its donations and investments
has
Change the verb form
have
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 been upscaling over the years.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 provides some justification
to
Change preposition
for
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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 subsidy of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 cultural amenities. As it has been mentioned these establishments are far from unimportant in society.
however
Linking Words
, It is essential to prioritise government investment in critical sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 as these are fundamental and pivotal areas for the development of a country, since the welfare of the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 is paramount for the proper functioning of a nation, without a healthy population a society would collapse, leaving no individuals to appreciate theatres.
For example
Linking Words
, implementing new
health
Use synonyms
 community centres in suburban areas would ensure
health
Use synonyms
 reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
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vulnerable citizens.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is the foundation for social growth, as it
nurture
Change the verb form
nurtures
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 future generations.
For instance
Linking Words
,
subsidizing
Change preposition
by subsidizing
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 technology in
education
Use synonyms
, children would be better equipped for future technological advancement.
Additionally
Linking Words
, manifold studies have shown that highly educated people are more capable of fully
appreciate
Wrong verb form
appreciating
show examples
 culture and art events. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 cultural amenities are necessary, they should not take precedence over essential services like
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
, which are
fundamentals
Fix the agreement mistake
fundamental
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 human rights that must
be prioritise
Change the verb form
be prioritised
show examples
. In the future, the community ought to take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public funds distributions with clear explanations provided to avoid misunderstandings.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your ideas by using more linking words and phrases. Consider how each idea connects to the next to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Make sure your main points are clearly stated and supported with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
general
Check for grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Clear and error-free writing will enhance your overall score.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of cultural amenities while highlighting the need for prioritizing essential services.
relevant specific examples
You gave a relevant example of the British Museum, which demonstrates the impact of cultural institutions on tourism and economy.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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