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Band 4.5

In some countries, it is usual for young peole who graduate from high school to spend a year working or travelling before going to university? What are advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this?

Working or travelling has become an increasingly popular option after graduating from especially high school to prepare
students
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to
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for
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university
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in particular
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 countries.
While
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 there are numerous benefits to pursuing working or travelling, there are
also
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 challenges that
students
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 may face.
This
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 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of each two circumstances. On the one hand, working or travelling offers a number of benefits.
First,
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working is a crucial aspect of a student’s development
,
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apply
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 and the way young people are experienced before their
university
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 lives. It provides learners with the opportunity to enhance self-reliance, helping them develop broader network and job skills
such
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 as computer programs
with
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apply
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related to their studies.
Second,
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because
students
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 often need to determine which department is better for themselves in a
university
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, they value options with travelling, which has particularly international travelling, that can
gives
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give
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 pupils a chance about their future prospects.
Additionally
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,
students
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 who have both worked and travelled before
university
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, possess global experience, cultural communication skills and personal adaptability.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some disadvantages to working or travelling before going to
university
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 for learners. One major challenge falls behind a year when thought
as
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of as
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 a peer.
While
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 many
students
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have
Verb problem
are
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 already in the first class of
university
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, others have not started yet.
This
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 situation can compel them
about
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to
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adaptation
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adapt
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 compared to
students
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 who finished
a
Correct article usage
the
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 first year.
As well as
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this
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, another drawback is the cost
for
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of
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 travelling
students
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. Taxes
such
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 as accommodation and living expenses can be significantly higher for abroad travelling. Being away from family and friends
also
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 can lead to feelings of loneliness and stress.
Furthermore
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, language and different cultures may pose challenges in their social interactions. In conclusion, both working and travelling offer many advantages, including career benefits, development and experience, but they
also
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 come with financial and emotional difficulties. Proper planning and support systems can help
students
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 make the most of their decisions prior to attending
university
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your points more clearly. This can enhance the reader's understanding of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all points are well-developed and logically sequenced. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the main thesis.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively. Avoid repetitive phrases and words.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively acknowledge both the advantages and disadvantages of working or travelling before university, which demonstrates balanced thinking.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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