IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the nomer of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the nomer of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph describes the information regarding the data of
shops
Use synonyms
 which had been opened and closed during the time period of 2011 to 2018.The information is calibrated in numbers. The count of
shops
Use synonyms
 which shut down permanently commenced at 6500 in 2011 , a minor dip in the next
year
Use synonyms
 , the it rose by 1000 in 2013.
However
Linking Words
, a sudden drop was seen in 2015 , which was less than 1000 , it gradually increased in 2016 and achieved the number 5000.
However
Linking Words
, after one
year
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 figure for shop closure saw a negligible fall to around 5000, but
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , the closing of
shops
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged by the end of the period. Shifting to the newly started business, the
figured
Replace the word
figure
show examples
 showed almost 8500 in the first
year
Use synonyms
,the value
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced a significant drop in 2012 ;
in contrast
Linking Words
 , after two years the number of shop closures and
opening
Fix the agreement mistake
openings
show examples
 came
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportions ,
such
Linking Words
 as 6000 but
thereafter
Linking Words
 it declined
corresponding
Change the adjective
correspondingly
show examples
 by about 2000 and reached at
low
Add an article
the low
a low
show examples
 point of 2000 in 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite having
larger
Add an article
a larger
show examples
 number of
opening
Verb problem
apply
show examples
new
shops
Use synonyms
 , still it experienced
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interest
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of
year
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 closed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 still
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
minor
Add an article
a minor
show examples
 drop ,as compared to
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 to until end
Use synonyms
year
Change preposition
of year
show examples
 . After facing fluctuations throughout the period
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 place.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, year with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • data
  • peak
  • closures
  • openings
  • significant
  • notable
  • patterns
  • economic factors
  • social factors
  • market dynamics
  • local economies
  • communities
  • implications
  • shifts in consumer behavior
  • downturns
  • statistics
  • decline
  • growth
  • fluctuations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: