IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think watching TV and films makes children more creative. Others think that it can actually lower their creativity. Discuss both views and gove your opinion

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There is no denying the fact that, nowadays, the kids
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
enjoy
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
TV
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 is a commonly held belief that individuals consider watching television and movies
enhance
Fix the infinitive
to enhance
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 creativity. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that other people think that it
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 their
creative
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
. On one hand, begin with, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parental control
Linking Words
that is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improved
Wrong verb form
improves
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 skills. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, by applying the rules for watching
time
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
limited
Wrong verb form
limiting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and watching based on age restrictions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the kids can
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
quick
Change the word
quickly
show examples
 from educational
films
Use synonyms
 and, there is
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 for
Add an article
the parent
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 to
learned
Change the form of the verb
learn
show examples
 them well behaviour.
For example
Linking Words
, If you want to teach
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 to
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
tooth brush
Correct your spelling
toothbrush
show examples
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of educational
films
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that contains
show examples
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
this
Linking Words
 clip. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
films
Use synonyms
 can
making
Change the verb form
make
be making
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
's creative decline
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wasting
time
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only watching
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
 with
no-rules
Correct your spelling
no rules
show examples
 applied by family. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that, there is
worst
Correct article usage
a worst
show examples
 effect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 unlimited
time
Use synonyms
 for watching
TV
Use synonyms
 and the channels unsuitable for the
child
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 routine may cause ,
Correct article usage
a reducing
show examples
reducing
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 the creativity whether
child
Use synonyms
 or adult.
For instance
Linking Words
, If you keep the children
showing
Verb problem
watching
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 without
handle
Correct article usage
a handle
show examples
, there is some of the
films
Use synonyms
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 so
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 colours or motions up normal that
effects
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the brain. In conclusion,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 easy to answer
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 everything in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 necessity to
control
Wrong verb form
be controlled,
show examples
 specially when it is
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a direct interaction with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children so, showing
TV
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 rules and control, must be a parent capable
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 handling the
time
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which is a good step for task response. However, make sure to develop your ideas more fully in each paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving the logical flow of your paragraphs. Use linking words such as 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'however' to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on your grammar and sentence structure in certain areas, such as subject-verb agreement and overlapping clauses. This will help improve clarity in your writing.
Task Achievement
You do a good job of addressing both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced essay.
Task Achievement
Your effort to provide examples adds value to your argument, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • innovation
  • cognitive development
  • creative faculties
  • educational content
  • storytelling
  • narrative structure
  • passive consumption
  • overstimulation
  • active playtime
  • realistic scenarios
  • screen time
  • media exposure
  • holistic development
What to do next:
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