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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for every one, including young people, to save money for thier future. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Saving
money
Use synonyms
 for later
life
Use synonyms
 stages is often considered an important action, especially for youngsters, as they can build their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 on these savings. So, it is normal to consider it an essential part of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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living. I
also
Linking Words
 find myself among the ones who agree with
this
Linking Words
 topic and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, some reasons are going to be mentioned.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many benefits to collecting
money
Use synonyms
 from a young age,
such
Linking Words
 as experiencing early financial
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
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. In detail, when an individual learns how to save and manage his/her finances early in
life
Use synonyms
, it
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 be much simpler for him/her to become an independent member of society in the future. Owning a separate accommodation,
for instance
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, will be possible much sooner for a person who has some funds saved up and by the time they get to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 suitable age, they can move on with their lives, only relying on themselves.
In addition
Linking Words
, these plus points are not only about the qualities of
life
Use synonyms
. As for the importance of collecting funds, the potential dangers in
life
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 can
also
Linking Words
 be pointed at. To be more specific, an example of
one
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 of these dangers could be that
one
Use synonyms
 day you or
one
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 of your loved ones might encounter a sickness, which is costly to cure. At
this
Linking Words
 point, the individuals with a solid backup in the form of
money
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 will have the upper hand. Backing yourself up with enough funds
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has
also
Linking Words
 proven to help people in case of a failure in
life
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, as it would be much more difficult to start from zero again
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you lost everything in your
life
Use synonyms
one
Use synonyms
 day.
To conclude
Linking Words
, taking the potential advantage of "banking
money
Use synonyms
 for the future" into consideration, makes me believe that it is a really important factor for individuals who want to secure their future lives.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points and enhance clarity. For instance, when discussing financial independence, you could mention how saving helps in specific situations like buying a car or education expenses.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'For example', 'Moreover', and 'In addition' can enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
Consider adding a counterargument to show a well-rounded perspective on the issue. This would strengthen your argument by addressing opposing views.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, making your stance clear from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, as you present your ideas in a systematic way, making it easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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