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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for a child having a large number of toys?

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Many parents buy their
children
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 a large
number
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 of
toys
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, believing that they contribute to their happiness and development.
While
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 having many
toys
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 can provide educational and entertainment benefits, it
also
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 has some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of owning a large
number
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 of
toys
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. One major benefit of having many
toys
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 is that they can help
children
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 develop their creativity and imagination. Playing with different types of
toys
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,
such
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 as puzzles, building blocks, and dolls, allows
children
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 to create new scenarios and improve their problem-solving skills.
Additionally
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,
toys
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 can be educational. Many modern
toys
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 are designed to enhance cognitive abilities, motor skills, and even language development.
For example
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, interactive
toys
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 that teach numbers and letters can help young
children
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 learn in a fun and engaging way.
However
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, owning too many
toys
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also
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 has disadvantages. One major issue is that
children
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 may become easily bored and lose appreciation for their belongings. When they have too many options, they might not fully engage with any particular toy and may constantly seek new ones.
Furthermore
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, having an excessive
number
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 of
toys
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 can lead to clutter and disorganization in the home. Parents may struggle to manage the mess, and
children
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 may develop a habit of being careless with their belongings. In conclusion,
while
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 having many
toys
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 can benefit a child’s creativity and learning, it can
also
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 cause issues
such
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 as boredom and clutter.
Therefore
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, parents should find a balance by providing a reasonable
number
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 of
toys
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 that offer both entertainment and educational value.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the examples in your essay to provide more depth, especially regarding how toys can enhance cognitive development or creativity. Specific case studies or statistics can also strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas. This could enhance coherence and allow readers to follow your arguments more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear argument with a well-defined structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows a balanced perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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