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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to make families close?

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Having a family is a blessing in everyone’s life. In recent years, family members
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not as close as compared to the past
time
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. I will provide reasons for
this
Linking Words
 changing trend and
also
Linking Words
 mention some solutions about how
families
Use synonyms
 can be reunited in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several reasons that can be considered to support
this
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. First and foremost, in the era of modernization, individuals do not have enough
time
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 to spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their
families
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, because of their hectic schedules.
As a result
Linking Words
, bonds between near and dear ones are decreasing.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are extremely busy in their professional and personal lives.
Therefore
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, they are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 what is happening in their family.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 technology, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 by using social media.
As a consequence
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, individuals are not able
interact
Add the particle
to interact
show examples
 with each other
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
. To illustrate, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 60% of
people
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 are utilizing their
time
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 by playing games and surfing various types of apps rather than communicating with family.
However
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, the essential thing that can be done to make
families
Use synonyms
 close is to organize
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
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 get together frequently.
Additionally
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, spreading awareness through different types of programs regarding the importance of family can be
also
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 beneficial.
Furthermore
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, convincing
people
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 to live in a joint family to follow tradition will be helpful
to gather
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in gathering
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 everyone close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each other. In conclusion, making
families
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 close is very essential in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
time
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 to increase relationships. Family
is
Verb problem
plays
show examples
 playing crucial role in
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 development and
for
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apply
show examples
having small
get together
Correct your spelling
get-togethers
as well as
Linking Words
 conducting
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to live and spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family are essential.

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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on your points, particularly in the examples provided, to enhance clarity and depth of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using varied linking words to improve the flow between points and to enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by identifying reasons for the decreasing closeness amongst families and suggesting solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating the intention of the essay.
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