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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)

The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
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The bar chart illustrates information on average hours of unpaid work done
married
Change preposition
by married
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in three different
categeories
Correct your spelling
categories
- without children, with 1 or 2 children, and with 3 or more children.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that married
women
Use synonyms
 have been doing most of the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 without any pay in all three segments,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 a minority.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the first category of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 without kids saw 30% of females unpaid household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 were behind 15%.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couples with 1 or 2 kids observed a dramatic increase in
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 working hours
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20% more than the former
women
Use synonyms
's category. Meanwhile,
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 participation in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary work remained constant, without any changes ,at less than a fifth. Afterwards, in the
last
Linking Words
 group of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 with 3 more kids
women
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest percentage,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 had the lowest share. In all three groups,
men
Use synonyms
's
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
 duty hours only had a marginal difference, in
contray
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 participation observed a steady upward trend to compensate for the lacking.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • demographics
  • household responsibilities
  • societal expectations
  • norms
  • childcare
  • housework
  • gardening
  • contributions
  • family structure
  • cultural implications
  • social implications
  • work-life balance
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