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Writing Samples
Band 4

Businesses positive and negative new advertising ?

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Businesses
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in our lives, advertising is the main way to encourage people to consider these
businesses
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. Basically, they intend to advertise their
businesses
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 in good ways. In my own perspective, I think it is significant to do so.
Companies
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 need to let people buy their
products
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, especially since there are similar
products
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 on the market. Advertising gives
companies
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 considerable feedback from customers. Entrepreneurs focus on social media
such
Linking Words
 as YouTube, Twitter, TikTok and Facebook to promote their
products
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 in creative ways to persuade customers to order their
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 online or offline.
Moreover
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, stockholders can read buyers' opinions about their purchases, whether they
happy
Add a missing verb
are happy
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 with what they got or have complained about it.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
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 when you visit markets, you can see one product has different
companies
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 and you choose what to buy
for example
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, with strawberries, you have multiple choices local, domestic, organic and greenhouse
products
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 and they vary in
prices
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price
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.
Also
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,
it is clear that
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 some
products
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 receive a lot of attention because of good advertising.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these days industries tend to contract with influencers to talk about
products
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 to their followers
and
Correct word choice
which
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 seems good for the
companies
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. In conclusion,
businesses
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 rely on advertising their
products
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 through different types of advertisers whether using social media or TVs. They notice a great impact from using these types of promotion, and they will continue to do so,
we
Correct word choice
as we
show examples
 see these days. Promoting
products
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 helps to sell them at a good price.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your main points with more detailed examples or statistics to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more cohesive devices to connect your ideas smoothly, such as transition words and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus and explore it fully; this will enhance the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the significance of advertising for businesses.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is logical with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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