IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that spending a lot of money on wedding parties and other celebrations is just a waste. Others, however, think that such events are necessary, so spending money on them is acceptable. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Certain Individuals believe that
expanding
Verb problem
spending
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 huge amounts of funds on the marriage function and various events is wasteful
while
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 on the other side
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of individuals believe that it is required to expend huge amounts of funds. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
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 I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides. In my opinion, It is significant to
do spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 on the functions.
However
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, one should not do extensive spending on the celebrations.
Firstly
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, there are a clan who have
view
Add an article
a view
the view
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 that simplicity is the best thing. So, they keep their things minimal. They don’t like to spend
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of amounts of money.
As well as
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 purchasing costly clothes is
one time
Add a hyphen
one-time
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 purchase.It will not re-ware again.
Additionally
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, Sometimes it becomes
liability
Add an article
a liability
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 for other
people
Use synonyms
.If they see lavish events they
also
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 have
burden
Add an article
the burden
a burden
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 to do
same
Change the article
the same
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 kind of functions. And
also
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, it is
symbol
Add an article
a symbol
the symbol
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 of status. So,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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 can’t spend large sums of money they think they do not have status. What other will think about them? So, for
this
Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
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people
Use synonyms
 have
idea
Add an article
an idea
the idea
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 to
not do
Verb problem
make
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 unnecessary investments. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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example, many
people
Use synonyms
 save the amount of wedding as a
fix
Change the verb form
fixed
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 deposit
instead
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 of doing grand celebrations. And they use that
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
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 in the future.
In contrast
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, There are other
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 where
people
Use synonyms
want
Correct your spelling
won't
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 do big fat
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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 and spend extravagant
capitals
Fix the agreement mistake
capital
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. They want to make memories. And day like a marriage will come only once in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life so it should be memorable.
People
Use synonyms
 get inspired by celebrities and get designer outfits.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 hire
professional
Add an article
a professional
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 makeup artist. Because they
want
Add the particle
want to
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 create memories.
Apart from
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this
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 in
this
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 busy
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 kinds of events are the only opportunity to meet our loved ones. In conclusion, I agree that
people
Use synonyms
 should not waste money on unimportant things.But they should spend
required
Correct article usage
the required
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 funds and make their day amazing. On the day of
Correct article usage
the celeberation
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Correct your spelling
celebration
celeberation
Add a comma
celeberation,
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 they should look good and
also
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 hire a good photographer
for remembering
Change preposition
to remember
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.In future,
People
Use synonyms
 could feel nostalgic. And
also
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 show
that
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 pictures to
their
Change the word
the
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 next generation.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the topic and outlines both sides of the argument more explicitly. A stronger thesis statement can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Improving transitions between ideas and using a more consistent structure can enhance the logical flow of your essay. Use linking words to connect thoughts more seamlessly.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to clearly differentiate the points of both perspectives and strengthen the arguments with more detailed examples and explanations.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points and expresses a clear personal opinion, which is good practice in academic writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • waste of money
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • materialistic values
  • unrealistic expectations
  • special occasion
  • celebration
  • strengthening relationships
  • social bonds
  • boosting local economies
  • creating jobs
  • lasting memories
  • financial responsibility
What to do next:
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