IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent days, with the development of urbanization and population, many
people
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 are facing financial limitations during daily life, especially for the young generation. Some
people
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 believe
that is
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 necessary to save their budgets,
preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare
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 for their forthcoming. But others hold an opposite view on
this
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 argument. I personally agree with the former view. Admittedly,
people
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 who think
that is
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 less important for young
people
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save
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to save
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 their bill do have their point. It is because young
people
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 need more
money
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 to support them in exploring their own values, interests, and possibilities as well. Living in the moment is a better way for the new generation to enjoy their lives.
However
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, I still firmly hold the view that young
people
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 need to be aware of their budgets for their
future
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 plans.
Due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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overpopulation nowadays, more
people
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 in the young age group are facing an
unemployement
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unemployment
employment
 situation. It makes it harder for younger
people
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 to earn
money
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, so their parents still need to pay the bills for them. Save spending in an early stage, can get more advantages when young
people
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 are fitting into real society.
For example
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, the spending on education and daily stuff
are
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is
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 way less than in the
future
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, especially living alone or getting into companies.
Furthermore
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, By saving more
money
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 on those unnecessary things,
such
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 as entertainment, snacks, or luxuries. It will not only benefit
on
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apply
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better life quality in the
future
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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pratices
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practices
 the ability to
self-displine
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self-discipline
young
people
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. It is always better to have the distinctions and boundaries in mind, which can help more young
people
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 to form positive habits. In conclusion, I believe that saving
money
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 is always
a
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an
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 important thing to be
awareness
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aware of
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. It all depends on what way individuals
wants
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want
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 to live. The young generation needs to take their own responsibility and the consequences in the
future
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,
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apply
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 and to be mindful of their spending.

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task achievement
Clarify the introduction: Make sure it's clear what the statement is and state your position more directly.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are supported with specific examples or personal experiences to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Organize paragraphs better, ensuring each one has a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
task achievement
Your awareness of the need to save money for the future is well argued and relevant to young people today.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging different perspectives before asserting your own, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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