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Writing Samples
Band 5

While mobile phones have many advantages, a number of problems have also resulted from them or the ways in which they are used. What are some of these problems? What solutions can you suggest for solving these problems?

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Mobile devices have numerous
problems
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 caused by using them. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss how
people
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 actually buy unnecessary
items
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 via phone on the internet, and
secondly
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, I will explain that instructions should be given to phone users about buying redundant purchases to solve these
problems
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.
To begin
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 with, there are many applications that
people
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 can easily access on social
media
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 with their
phones
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 nowadays. Unfortunately, it seems clear that there are increasingly many misleading advertisements on social
media
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 for the needs of
people
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, meaning that
people
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 purchase more goods,
such
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 as clothes, food, or jewellery, rather than their real demands.
In addition
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, most
people
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 not only buy for themselves but
also
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 get for their friends and families by giving as a gift which
are
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is
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especially
Replace the word
specially
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 bought on special days.
For instance
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, there are many social
media
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such
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 as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook so that
people
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 obtain either required or unrequired objects with their
phones
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, where online shopping offers great convenience.
On the other hand
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, there are some solutions to solve knowingly these
problems
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 by giving instructions,
such
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 as promoting truthful advertisements to the community and by using appropriate applications on their
phones
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. The community opts for buying convenient
items
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 without more consideration.
Therefore
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, governments and some
advertisement
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advertising
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 companies should present facilitation to the public about
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 purchasing only necessary
items
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 via their own applications in order that most
people
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 choose what they really need.
Moreover
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, they ban both unnecessary and harmful marketing through
instagramer
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 or influencers at the same time.
For instance
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, government and authorized personnel should monitor some social
media
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 users if they give information
for
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about
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 unneeded
items
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 to
people
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 on Instagram. In conclusion, many
people
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 use mobile
phones
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, and phone users
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 rising over time, meaning that even young children use over the world.
This
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 visibly brings some challenges
in addition
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 to advantages.
While
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 mobile
phones
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 present some
problems
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 related to buying unnecessary things, these can be solved with the right guidance provided by governments.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly articulate your main points and ensure they are fully developed in your paragraphs. For instance, the second main point regarding solutions could be more detailed and specific.
coherence and cohesion
Improving the organization of ideas with clearer topic sentences and transitions could enhance the logical flow of your essay. Consider breaking down complex sentences for clarity.
task achievement
Include more concrete examples or data to strengthen your arguments, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of mobile phones to make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt and provides an introduction and conclusion, indicating an understanding of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of specific terms and mention of social media platforms demonstrate engagement with the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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