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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The diagram illustrates the
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 of Australian citizens in habits of buying and drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea in a month. In general, it can be clearly seen that each city experienced different trends. The highest
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 was
Melbourne
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the first place of buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was Hobard.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, Sydney was
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 top of
list
Add an article
the list
show examples
 in going to
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
 shop to enjoy drinking. Regarding the rate of buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
,
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and Hobart headed the list with 64
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 62
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively. The figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Sydney was followed by 61
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, In Brisbane and Adelaide, over 50% of Australian people selected fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
. As for instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, The rate
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Brisbane, Adelaide was under 10% lower than fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
. Hobart was
also
Linking Words
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with the data of
2
Correct article usage
the 2
show examples
mentioned cities, at 54
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, Sysney and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 bottom of the list, at 48
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 43
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Going to
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 was less popular than others in all cities. Sydney and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 had the same figure, over 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The rest was under 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, melbourne, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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