IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or exercise class. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In some countries, working with a personal trainer becomes more popular day by day
instead
Linking Words
 of attending
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
group classes.
Although
Linking Words
 it costs more,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer working with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 professional
individualy
Correct your spelling
individually
individual
. I believe
this
Linking Words
 has a good effect on personal physical development as
indivuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
individual
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 attention
according to
Linking Words
 their needs. In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 used to spend their day with many physical
actives
Replace the word
activities
show examples
. But by the end of the 20th century,
people
Use synonyms
 started to have a sedentary lifestyle with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gyms became more popular.
People
Use synonyms
 started attending physical activity classes to
burnout
Correct your spelling
burn out
show examples
callories
Correct your spelling
calories
 and to become fitter.
By
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Over
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 time, the
people
Use synonyms
 wanted to pay more and get individual classes directly from the trainers.
This
Linking Words
 type of
workouts
Fix the agreement mistake
workout
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 good effects on development as the teacher focuses on the exact needs of the attendants. Class workouts
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
 designed for all levels and it improves all groups of muscles.
However
Linking Words
, some
body builders
Correct your spelling
bodybuilders
show examples
 prefer to improve
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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some of the muscle groups more than others,
such
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 as arms, legs or shoulders. As a solution, trainers create a special and personalised workout list for each person.
This
Linking Words
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goals faster and
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
. Even some gyms
also
Linking Words
 provide a personal diet. In conclusion,
the
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with the
show examples
 improvement in the gym culture and the
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 in the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gyms
people
Use synonyms
 prefer spending money and time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their physical needs. The ones who want to maintain a better appearance and physical health, prefer sending more money and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a personal trainer.

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coherence/cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to clearly outline the main points you'll discuss in the essay. This provides a roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
In the second body paragraph, try to provide more concrete examples to support your points about the benefits of personal training and how it differs from group classes.
coherence/cohesion
Ensure that you proofread for small spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'indivuals' which should be 'individuals' and 'burnout callories', which should be 'burnout calories'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your belief in the positive effects of hiring personal trainers, setting a clear tone for your essay.
task achievement
You provide a good comparison between group classes and personal training, illustrating the advantages of the latter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Personalization
  • 2. Tailored fitness plans
  • 3. Individualized workout
  • 4. Accountability
  • 5. Motivation
  • 6. Disciplined approach
  • 7. Time efficiency
  • 8. Flexible scheduling
  • 9. Professional expertise
  • 10. Technique and form
  • 11. Injury prevention
  • 12. Specific health concerns
  • 13. Communal aspect
  • 14. Camaraderie
  • 15. Affluent individuals
  • 16. Health and fitness opportunities
  • 17. Customized regimen
  • 18. Efficiency
  • 19. Support and encouragement
  • 20. Fitness goals
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