In some countries, people encourage their children to get a job or to travel after their secondary education and before their university education. What are the advantages or disadvantages of doing so?

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In the contemporary era, many householders are supporting their sons and daughters to try
career
Use synonyms
life and explore the world before enrolling in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college.
This
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essay will discuss that building a responsible character and exchanging knowledge are the foremost benefits.
Then
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, demonstrate that the shock after living the
career
Use synonyms
life and blind imitation are the primary drawbacks. On the one hand,
this
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topic has two main pros.
To begin
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with, letting the students travel and get a
career
Use synonyms
, can help them to learn how to be more confident and responsible. To illustrate, when they apply for a job they will stick to it and try to commit to doing their best.
Hence
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,
this
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will lead them to a perfect mentality and character.
Furthermore
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, the second positive point is to know more about other cultures
while
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travelling.
Also
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, that will enhance pupils' communication skills.
For instance
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, they will be able to talk with other mortals from different countries.
On the other hand
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, we cannot neglect the cons of
this
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topic.
Firstly
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,
career
Use synonyms
life is hard, so if these students try it and realise that it needs a lot of effort to achieve goals, they might be disappointed and think that they are not able to be successful.
Besides
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that,
while
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travelling, they may imitate people there who are acting in the wrong way.
Thus
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, they will obtain bad behaviours.
To conclude
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,
this
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topic has certain merits in changing the student's personality and view. The shortcomings of
this
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trend involve behaving in a wrong way and feeling helpless.
Therefore
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, parents should consider all these points and
then
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make the right decision
according to
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the learner's goals.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and helps to develop your argument more thoroughly. Some points, especially in the disadvantages, could benefit from further explanation or elaboration.
task achievement
Try to integrate more specific examples to support your points more effectively. This will help demonstrate your ideas more clearly and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure and logical progression of ideas, which helps the reader to follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You effectively identified both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view on the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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