IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The popularity of fast food is increasing, especially among younger people. What are the reasons for this trend? Is it a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years,
over consuming
Correct your spelling
overconsuming
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 has become an increasingly serious concern
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons why
this
Linking Words
 issue has emerged, ranging from the active and passive perspective.
As a result
Linking Words
, it has led to significant consequences affecting both individuals and society in multiple ways. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, some reasons and the direst repercussion of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon will be discussed. In today’s rapid globalization,
people
Use synonyms
 have to handle more work than ever and do not have much
time
Use synonyms
 to prepare the ingredients or cook the meals.
Thus
Linking Words
, the high demand for something fast and convenient is increasing significantly, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is the suitable choice
due to
Linking Words
 it is easily being
takeaway
Correct your spelling
taken away
show examples
. Both students and adults can easily buy fast
food
Use synonyms
 at the
food
Use synonyms
 court, shopping mall, or restaurants near their areas at affordable prices.
Although
Linking Words
 it can bring various benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend
such
Linking Words
 as boosting the economy by increasing the
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 or saving a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 for individuals, I strongly believe it brings more drawbacks than outbacks.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 major problem of
this
Linking Words
 trend is
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 health, which poses serious diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes or over-weights.
The fast
Correct article usage
Fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
fried-chicken
Correct your spelling
fried chicken
show examples
 or
hamburger
Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
show examples
 have a large
mount
Correct your spelling
amount
show examples
 of
bad-cloresterol
Correct your spelling
bad cloresterol
 which
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to those diseases.
Additionally
Linking Words
, depending on
such
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long
time
Use synonyms
 will make
people
Use synonyms
 reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 with their family. In conclusion, there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons causing over consuming
fast
Change preposition
of fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
, the root causes of
this
Linking Words
 situation have resulted in multiple negative effects, particularly affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify the reasons for the trend more explicitly. Consider discussing not just factors related to time and convenience but also cultural influences or marketing strategies that appeal to younger people.
coherence and cohesion
Improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices. This will help in creating a smoother reading experience for the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims about the effects of fast food. For instance, you might mention statistics or studies related to health impacts or economic aspects.
content
The essay effectively introduces the topic and outlines the main issues regarding the trend of fast food consumption.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: