IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people who have been successful in society don't attribute their success to the theoretical knowledge they learned from their university. Do you agree or disagree that theoretical knowledge is not as valuable as expected?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that some successful
people
Use synonyms
 do not have a degree from
university
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in society, I am of the opinion that for most
people
Use synonyms
, owning a certified qualification gives them more possibilities to get a better
job
Use synonyms
 opportunity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, accumulated work experiences provide some employees from certain sectors
enough
Change preposition
with enough
show examples
 knowledge for their
job
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a barber who usually does not have a
university
Use synonyms
 diploma.
However
Linking Words
, the barber must have been trained intensively and worked for many years to get customers' recognition.
Besides
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 attribute their success to pure luck. Take the lottery
for example
Linking Words
, there is a chance for someone to get rich if they are fortunate enough to earn a great amount of money.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is not a typical
rout
Correct your spelling
route
show examples
 that can be repeated for other
people
Use synonyms
. In real life, learning professional knowledge and getting a diploma is the most feasible and
solidest
Change the word
most solid
show examples
 way to guarantee
job
Use synonyms
 seekers a fair chance to get an offer, especially for young graduates.
For instance
Linking Words
, when HR staff are scanning hundreds and thousands of resumes from
job
Use synonyms
 applicants, what immediately attracts their eyes is if the candidate is from a good
university
Use synonyms
. Being recruited by a
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 company offers a fresh
gradute
Correct your spelling
graduate
 more learning opportunities and eventually promotes their personal development.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is worth
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 to prepare
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 well in
university
Use synonyms
 before entering society. In conclusion, only a small number of
people
Use synonyms
 can achieve success, thanks to long-term hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 or pure luck.
However
Linking Words
, for most
people
Use synonyms
, having theoretical knowledge from their
university
Use synonyms
 is the most reliable
methed
Correct your spelling
method
 to approach success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are clearly developed and supported in each paragraph. Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving the flow of your essay by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help make your argument more cohesive.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion in the introduction, reflecting your stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
Your examples from real life, such as the barber and the lottery, showed an understanding of alternative paths to success, which enriches your discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: