IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is claimed that life was better when
technology
Use synonyms
was not sophisticate
Change the verb form
was not sophisticated
show examples
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 initiative because it was not user-friendly and not all
people
Use synonyms
 could afford
Linking Words
due
Correct pronoun usage
it due
show examples
 to
high
Correct pronoun usage
its high
show examples
 price.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the reason why life was not easy with basic gadgets in the past
because
Add a missing verb
was because
show examples
 it was not user-friendly.
This
Linking Words
 is because simple gadgets
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not multi-functional where
one
Use synonyms
 device serves only
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 purpose with basic features. It
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 a lot of effort and plan to carry all these technologies all at once with you. Take travelling,
for example
Linking Words
; it can be burdensome when you have to pack
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several gadgets
such
Linking Words
 as
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
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 phone, camera and mp3 player with you
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to carrying
one
Use synonyms
 smartphone
that is
Linking Words
 much more convenient and light-weight. Another reason why
people
Use synonyms
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggled
show examples
 with basic
technology
Use synonyms
 in the past was its high price.
To simply
Change preposition
Simply
show examples
 explain, the lack of mass production led to higher costs of the goods to balance the demand and supply rules. The costs of the technologies
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 essential for consumers to take
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
into consideration which inhibit
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
 to
middle income
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
 group
to afford
Change preposition
from affording
show examples
 it.
For instance
Linking Words
,
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 in the past
costs
Fix the agreement mistake
cost
show examples
 nearly the same as buying
Use synonyms
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 car which
resulting
Wrong verb form
resulted
show examples
 in
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 group of
people
Use synonyms
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
show examples
 to own
one
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that life was much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
worse when the
technology
Use synonyms
 was simpler because it creates burdensome which is not friendly to the user and
exclude
Correct subject-verb agreement
excludes
show examples
 some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
to own
Change preposition
from owning
show examples
this
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
unaffordable
Add an article
an unaffordable
the unaffordable
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.

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task achievement
Consider rephrasing the essay's opening sentence for clarity and ensure it reflects your main argument more directly. For example, specify your stance in a more straightforward manner.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the use of correct grammatical forms, particularly subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'gadgets were not user-friendly' instead of 'gadgets was not user-friendly'). This will enhance clarity and professionalism.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve flow. Using linking words can help guide the reader through your thought process more smoothly.
task achievement
Make sure that each main point is fully developed with clear explanations and examples, so the reader can easily follow your logic.
task achievement
In your conclusion, reinforce your main points more strongly, showing how they collectively support your disagreement with the statement. Avoid using 'much more worse' as it is grammatically incorrect; instead, you can say 'much worse'.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear disagreement with the statement, making it evident where you stand on the topic.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the cost of computers, which illustrate your points well and add credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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