IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientist agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is an undeniable fact that these days
people
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 prefer to consume fast
food
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instead
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 of spending time cooking. Some individuals believe that there is one way out of
this
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 issue
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is
education
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while
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 others think these measures will not work.
This
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 essay will shed light on both points of view and express my opinion. To commence with, there are some reasons which can be considered as
education
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 can not work to reduce the consumption of junk
food
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.
First
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The first
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 and foremost reason is foods like hamburgers and pizza have addictive tastes so individuals can not stop eating them.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 are unable to purchase three-course meals so they survive because of packed
food
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. Some do not have enough time
due to
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 their busy schedule with studies and work, they prefer to eat junk
food
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 despite cooking themselves.
On the contrary
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 side, in these salad days of the millennium, it is important to educate society about the harmful effects of junk
food
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. Short-term programs can help
people
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 learn the significance of good
food
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. Guidance will let them know which
food
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 has nutrients to improve their health.
Education
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 can motivate them to cook at home for their and their family's well-being. All in all, undoubtedly,
education
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 can be an effective measure to improve the eating habits of
people
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. I believe that there are numerous benefits of educating
people
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 with zero disadvantages.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic adequately, but it could be improved by clearly stating your opinion more directly.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, ensure to develop your arguments more thoroughly and provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using smoother transitions between your points to enhance the natural flow of ideas and improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Add more detail to the conclusion; summarizing the main points in a more structured way would enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and outlines different viewpoints, engaging the reader from the start.
coherence and cohesion
The use of contrasting views is clearly established, which adds depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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