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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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the line chart illustrates the count of shops that were closed and opened in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, both trends experienced fluctuations, but
closures
Use synonyms
 consistently outnumbered
openings
Use synonyms
 throughout the period. The data depicts that the number of closed stores began at approximately 6,400 in 2011, peaked at over 7,000 in 2013, and
then
Linking Words
experiensed
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a sharp decline to around 600 in 2015.
However
Linking Words
, the
closures
Use synonyms
 rose again to about 5,100 by the year 2016 .
In contrast
Linking Words
, new store
openings
Use synonyms
 commenced
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 8500 in 2011, declined to around 4000 in 2012, and fluctuated slightly in the following
years
Use synonyms
 between 3000-4000, after reaching roughly 6,200 in 2014. In specific
years
Use synonyms
,
closures
Use synonyms
 surpassed
openings
Use synonyms
 significantly, notably in 2013 and 2012,
while
Linking Words
 the
years
Use synonyms
 2011 and 2015 saw
openings
Use synonyms
 outnumbering
closures
Use synonyms
. The data reveals that the number of closed stores began at approximately 5,400 in 2011, peaked at 8,000 in 2014, and
then
Linking Words
 exhibited a sharp decline to around 4,600 in 2016.
However
Linking Words
, the
closures
Use synonyms
 rose again to about 6,600 by the end of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, new store
openings
Use synonyms
 commenced
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 5,900 in 2011, declined to around 3,200 in 2015, and fluctuated slightly in the following
years
Use synonyms
, reaching 6,300 in 2018. In specific
years
Use synonyms
,
closures
Use synonyms
 surpassed
openings
Use synonyms
 significantly, notably in 2014 and 2017,
while
Linking Words
 the
years
Use synonyms
 2013 and 2015 saw
openings
Use synonyms
 outnumbering
closures
Use synonyms
. Even though the numbers went up and down, the general pattern shows there were always more shops closing than opening during these
years
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words closures, openings, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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