IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Professional athletes can earn very high salaries. Many people argue that this is unfair and that other professions deserve higher salaries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 era, many new opinions have emerged after ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn very high
salaries
Use synonyms
) was introduced.
However
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, it
also
Linking Words
 has 2 major
impacts
Use synonyms
 that really influence life today. The 2
impacts
Use synonyms
 (professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn very high
salaries
Use synonyms
) are positive and negative. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe 2
impacts
Use synonyms
 in detail below.
On the other hand
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, people who are impacted positively will believe that ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
)
Correct word choice
and has
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a positive impact on their lives. A book by a renowned German university demonstrates that ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
) is very beneficial.
However
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are people who are impacted negatively
by
Correct pronoun usage
by this
show examples
 ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
).
This
Linking Words
 usually happens because there is a detrimental impact
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
). A Journal by a distinguished professor from a university
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Canada verifies that ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
) is very harmful. The conclusion is that not everyone will feel the same impact when ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn high
salaries
Use synonyms
) is introduced. There are always different perspectives or different
impacts
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a topic. So, that's why it's very difficult to decide which side we should support ( professional
athletes
Use synonyms
 can earn very high
salaries
Use synonyms
). It remains a topic that requires careful thought and consideration, recognizing that both the positive and negative
impacts
Use synonyms
 must be weighed in relation to one another.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important for society to continue the conversation and explore solutions that take into account the diversity of opinions and the potential long-term effects.

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task achievement
Introduce clear and specific examples related to professional athletes' salaries to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically transitions from one point to the next for better flow.
task achievement
Provide a more definitive stance on the issue and support it with clear reasoning or data.
task achievement
The essay touches on both sides of the argument, showing an awareness of differing perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for essay writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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