IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to live in hot climates, whereas others love the lifestyles in countries with cold climates. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

It is often argued that hot
weather
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 excellent
climate
Use synonyms
 to reside
,
Change preposition
in, while
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others prefer cold
weather
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 personal preferences and
circumstances
Add a comma
circumstances,
show examples
 it is possible to vary
climate
Use synonyms
 choices among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
warmer
Correct article usage
a warmer
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
 gives an individual more time and better conditions to enjoy
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss various scenarios of the topic and demonstrate my viewpoint with a logical narration, On one hand, many love to settle in hot
climate
Use synonyms
 places, owing to the long and brighter
day time
Correct your spelling
daytime
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to cold
weather
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, the sun's prolonged
apperance
Correct your spelling
appearance
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 more time for individuals to enjoy their lives longer than usual.
For example
Linking Words
, In Australia during summer
people
Use synonyms
 get a lot more daytime than in the winter, which they utilize to do more outdoor activities,
such
Linking Words
 as camping and fishing.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 who prefer to do more outdoor activities and enjoy bright sun likely to move to the hot
weather
Use synonyms
 regions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 favour winter over summer,
due to
Linking Words
 the dislike towards hot
weather
Use synonyms
. The hot
climate
Use synonyms
accompanied
Add a missing verb
is accompanied
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 by numerous
discomfortness
Correct your spelling
discomforts
, like sweating, high UV and
sun burns
Correct your spelling
sunburns
show examples
. These inconveniences might be the possible reasons for many to opt for colder
climate
Use synonyms
 places over hot ones.
Furethermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the possibility
to develop
Change preposition
of developing
show examples
 skin cancer is much
likely
Correct quantifier usage
more likely
show examples
 higher when you are living in a hot
weather
Use synonyms
 zone.
This
Linking Words
 way,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in cool regions do not have to bother about applying sunscreen or wearing a cap to avoid
penerating
Correct your spelling
penetrating
generating
 sunrays, which could
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in skin cancer and other illnesses. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to live in places that would help them to live more comfortably, and
weather
Use synonyms
 plays a crucial role in
this
Linking Words
 decision. Yet, in my opinion, many favour hot
weather
Use synonyms
 regardless of varying concerns, by the reason of aversion to gloomy
climate
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that relates back to the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that transitions between sentences and ideas are smooth and logical. This helps in maintaining the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or personal anecdotes to illustrate your points more vividly, making your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
Rephrase some sentences for better clarity and grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'the hot climate accompanied by numerous discomfortness' can be more clearly stated as 'the discomforts associated with hot climates'.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated towards the end of the essay, which is an important component of the task.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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