IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that mental strength is more important for success in sports some people believe that physical health is more important discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Unquestionably, every coin has two sides and so are people. Society's people are divided into two groups and
therefore
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, mental and physical in sports have become a topic of debate. In
this
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 essay will compare and contrast both of the opinions
along with
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 my opinion which is in the favor of former or latter view will be discussed with
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sensible conclusion. Initiating with points supporting the first school of thought,
firstly
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 mental thinking is beneficial for sportspersons because it helps them to make a good decision on the field when an important game is going on.
Moreover
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, mental strength keeps them motivated and boosted so that they can win and if they
loos
Verb problem
lose
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so
Correct word choice
apply
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they can digest the situation and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not go
in
Change preposition
into
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 depression.
For example
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, Team India cricket team captain Rohit Sharma made various decisions so that they would win
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Cup in 2024. On the contrasting side, people who hold another viewpoint
physical
Change preposition
of physical
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 health is crucial. They believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 athletes need to be fit because they can perform well in games and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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play
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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 in
Correct pronoun usage
their career
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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.
Also
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, stamina
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 need to be maintained so that they can run faster and need to maintain proper body mass index.
For instance
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, Virat Kohli,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is an Indian player who has perfect physical health and has won approximately 200 games.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that, physical health is important
while
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 playing because multiple things are there which need to
be achieve
Change the verb form
be achieved
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.
However
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, it will depend upon the mindsets of the community
that
Correct word choice
and
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 which view they are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of.

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Task Achievement
In your introduction, it is better to clearly articulate the two views you are discussing before stating your opinion. Additionally, make sure to check for grammatical errors, such as 'society's people are divided' which can be simplified to 'people in society'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear structure by using paragraphs effectively and ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea. Transition words can also help improve flow between ideas. Consider additional linking phrases to ensure smooth transitions.
Task Achievement
Providing more specific examples related to mental strength and its role in sports, alongside physical health, would enhance your points. You can also clarify your examples by explaining their relevance more thoroughly to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You made a strong attempt to discuss two different perspectives, which is essential for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views, providing a balance of both perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mental resilience
  • perseverance
  • focus
  • stamina
  • strength
  • strategic thinking
  • adaptability
  • stress management
  • anxiety
  • positive attitude
  • injury prevention
  • muscle development
  • recovery process
  • physical conditioning
  • optimal performance
What to do next:
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