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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Part 2 Answer

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Not only economic
progress
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
significant
Add an article
a significant
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 role
on
Change preposition
in
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 developing some
countries
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, governments should pay attention to other
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
. In that essay, it will be discussed
firstly
Linking Words
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agriculture, which is
instrumaental
Correct word choice
an important
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 aspect for a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of
countries
Use synonyms
, may have comprehensive growth,
then
Linking Words
 added industry with the best performance should have every country,
Linking Words
finally
Add a comma
finally,
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 it will be outstanding to improve more than two
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
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.
To begin
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 with, agriculture is popular nowadays. most
countries
Use synonyms
 like to spend their money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
getting
Verb problem
making
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 agricultural
progress
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, agricultural headway
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 expenses because they do not need a lot of equipment or other things.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
from
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 the past to these days, we still have
been having
Verb problem
apply
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farmers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 work in farms or
greenhouse
Fix the agreement mistake
greenhouses
show examples
.
Along with
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that
Add a comma
that,
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 some
countries
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 are making agriculture
automical
Correct your spelling
automatical
anatomical
 l technologies
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 more income. Producing something
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a high quality and selling to other nations may boost
countries
Use synonyms
' income.
Furthermore
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, if some things are really useful, they will have many customers around the world. In
addiction
Correct your spelling
addition
show examples
 to industry often do not need a great deal
materials
Change preposition
of materials
show examples
 and energy, it mainly
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on what type of products they sell.
For example
Linking Words
, China has a large number of factories which contributes to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
income.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 methods make them the first in the market hierarchy. In conclusion, in my opinion, economic
progress
Use synonyms
 may be excellent but other
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 can be for reaching the most important goals. Arguments, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay, may show that the government may
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 better
progress
Use synonyms
 by using other methods.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more balance in discussing both sides of the argument, as the essay tends to lean more towards economic progress while mentioning other types of progress less thoroughly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that topic sentences clearly reflect the main point of each paragraph, which will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, as some sentences are difficult to understand due to errors in structure and word choice. Revising these will improve clarity.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the importance of both economic progress and other types of progress, which is a good starting point.
Task Achievement
The examples provided, such as China’s factories and agricultural practices, effectively illustrate your points and add credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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