IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Competition is a popular worldwide issue.
people
Use synonyms
 used to deal with it in a daily manner, and it is believed to be
strength
Correct article usage
a strength
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 point
as well as
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 a weakness sometimes. Some individuals think that competition in daily
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 is a good thing,
while
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 others prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooperative
work
Use synonyms
,
instead
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 of competing against each other. In
this
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topic
Add a comma
topic,
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 both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of view will be thoroughly analyzed and discussed before drawing my opinion in the conclusion. On the one hand, competition has
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
many benefits, especially when we consider it as a strength point.
For instance
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, children at school usually aim for higher grades we
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 notice that their colleagues are able to score them.
In addition
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,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
work
Use synonyms
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 specifically between
company's
Change noun form
companies
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, use it as a merit in order to achieve the highest yearly revenue and flourish its stock market. These are some reasons why some
people
Use synonyms
 consider competing
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other
is
Correct your spelling
as
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 a method to level up their achievement.
On the other hand
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 are standing against each other all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
, it could lead to
a negative effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
negative effects
a negative effect
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.
In contrast
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 to contrast to
this
Linking Words
, Cooperative
work
Use synonyms
 is favoured by others.
For example
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, working as a team in either the
work
Use synonyms
 environment or in schools between students, significantly
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 their ability to
work
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 hard
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
.
This
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 is because of the fair way in dividing tasks between them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and raising the intention to help each other.
Therefore
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, cooperative
work
Use synonyms
 is
choosed
Correct your spelling
chosen
show examples
 by many
people
Use synonyms
 for the good results they will have. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think competing
others
Change preposition
with others
show examples
 is their strength to aim for more
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, like to
work
Use synonyms
 together for better results. In my
opiniong
Correct your spelling
opinion
 I believe that
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
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work
Use synonyms
 is
winner
Add an article
a winner
the winner
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 in all life
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, working together
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the task easier and achievable.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are
recommeded
Correct your spelling
recommended
 to to help each other, whether at
work
Use synonyms
 or in daily life.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your points are clearly explained and supported with examples. Try to provide more detailed explanations or real-world examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence
Organize your ideas more clearly in terms of paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and clearly relate back to the essay question.
cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. Aim for a varied and accurate use of language to improve the overall fluency of your writing.
content
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which shows an understanding of the topic.
content
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion effectively, indicating a personal stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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