Even though globalization affects the world's economies in a very positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. What is your view? Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent decades people can observe how
globalization
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has affected the world
economy
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. Obviously ,
this
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situation has not only pleasant but
also
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terrible results.
This
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essay will explore
this
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phenomenon in more detail , supported by relevant examples. It is frequently discussed whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of universalization. In general,
globalization
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has more positive effects on the world's
economy
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. I believe, that
the
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apply
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global corporations
working
Wrong verb form
work
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more
responsible
Change the word
responsibly
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than
apart little
Correct word choice
small
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companies because they are controlled by
government
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the government
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better. At first glance,
development
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the development
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of the
economy
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directly impacts people's lives. I would like to explain
this
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opinion.
For instance
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, big corporations, which produce goods, require significant numbers of employees. What
is
Verb problem
does
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it
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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? It is a salary for citizens
as well as
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taxes for the government.
On the other hand
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, huge factories usually equal crucial amounts of pollution. I want to believe that the administration of
this
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company understands that and makes something for prevention. But we have a lot of evidence when the wildlife( nature) was being killed by factories. Unfortunately, we can observe it around the world. I think that the majority reason for these problems is
an
Correct article usage
the
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absence of adequate punishment.
For example
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, we need bigger fines, more than 100000$. Maybe it can have a positive impact on
this
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question. In conclusion, I would like to summarize that the effect of the
economy
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's
globalization
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has more advantages than disadvantages, except a negative impact on the environment. I strongly believe that in the future we will have just positive effects of
globalization
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.

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introduction
Your introduction clearly states the topic and outlines the main points of discussion, but it could be more engaging by adding a strong hook or a thought-provoking question.
coherence
Try to organize your ideas more logically. For example, clearly separate the positive and negative aspects of globalization into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity.
clarity
Some sentences are overly complex or unclear. Aim for simpler sentence structures to improve readability. For example, rephrase 'it is frequently discussed whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of universalization' to make it more direct.
support
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. For instance, when discussing pollution, you could reference specific cases or regions affected by industrialization.
language
Consider revising phrases to improve grammar and accuracy. For example, change 'the majority reason for these problems is an absence of adequate punishment' to 'the main reason for these problems is the lack of adequate punishment.'
content
You clearly identify both positive and negative aspects of globalization, which shows a balanced perspective.
structure
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and provides a forward-looking statement, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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