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Writing Samples
Band 5

Chart and table provide allocation of men and women for the household activities, apart from paid work, in 2008 in the UK

Chart and table provide allocation of men and women for the household activities, apart from paid work, in 2008 in the UK
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The table shows the amount
Change preposition
of nformation
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nformation
Correct your spelling
information
 about free
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 for both genders in various kinds of
activities
Use synonyms
. The chart illustrates the chores
activities
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in different types of tasks, which was in 2008 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
. Units are measured in units for both table and chart.
Overall
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
are nearly spending
Wrong verb form
spend
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 too
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
leisure
Change preposition
on leisure
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activities
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
, whilst
women
Use synonyms
are taking
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tasks that are related to the house
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
. It's clear that
men
Use synonyms
 watch TV and videos and listen to
radio
Add an article
the radio
show examples
 for 137
minutes
Use synonyms
 which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more than
women
Use synonyms
 which achieved 118
minutes
Use synonyms
. On reading hobby both of them almost
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 the same
time
Use synonyms
, males and females on doing sports spend the same
time
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 ( 15, 11
minutes
Use synonyms
) respectively. It's obvious that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 females can do cooking and washing between an hour to about 80
minutes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 males need only around 30
minutes
Use synonyms
, numbers
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 that shopping, clothes washing and ironing are achieved around 30
minutes
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 around 20
minutes
Use synonyms
 in shopping and other duties about 10
minutes
Use synonyms
. The repair witnessed the big number of
minutes
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 which are approximately 20
minutes
Use synonyms
 and only 10
minutes
Use synonyms
 for
women
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activities, men, women, minutes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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