IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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As time goes by,
while
Linking Words
 natural resources
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth are declining, the importance of sustainability is
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 familiar to global citizens. Some people suggest that the extinction of rare species of plantation and
animals
Use synonyms
 is
pivotal
Add an article
a pivotal
show examples
 environmental issue
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be concerned
first,
Linking Words
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some people advocate that there still exist several environmental problems
are
Correct pronoun usage
that are
show examples
 more vital than conservation. In my view, each of them
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
necessarily
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
show examples
 to be solved so as to maintain the
Earth
Change noun form
Earth's
show examples
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
. The diversity of species of plants and
animals
Use synonyms
 definitely takes a crucial role when it comes to environmental issues
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because these natural livings retains the ecology chain system.
For instance
Linking Words
, if human keeps building
skycrapers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
 in cities and
doesn't
Verb problem
aren't
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about the original species, these natural resources must be
runned
Correct your spelling
run
show examples
 out one day. In
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 circumstances, the plants and
animals
Use synonyms
 which make their living through
this
Linking Words
 land
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
starvation and habitat problems, and
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction in the end.
Whereas
Linking Words
 we still have several severe
envionmental
Correct your spelling
environmental
 issues should give a resolution, global warming
for example
Linking Words
.
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
, the global temperature in scorching summer is getting higher through
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
, when the sea surface level increases, the
animals
Use synonyms
 living in
cold-area
Correct your spelling
cold areas
show examples
, like polar bears and penguins, will have
habitat
Correct article usage
a habitat
show examples
 crisis as well. If global citizens don't take related actions to reduce carbon dioxide
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
 immediately, these
animals
Use synonyms
 will get endangered in rapid time. It is reasonable that everyone
Add a missing verb
is concerns
show examples
concerns
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 about different topics in environmental fields,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, sometimes each
paths
Change to a singular noun
path
show examples
 can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identical
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
. Only
taking
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 without comparison, the Earth, the mother of all
speices
Correct your spelling
species
, can get an unprecedented recovery.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic, but it could be clearer. Make sure to state your thesis explicitly. Avoid complex sentences that might confuse the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments connect smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar and vocabulary. There are several inaccuracies and misspellings (e.g., 'runned out', 'should be concerned', 'Nowdays'). Make sure to proofread your work.
task achievement
You successfully address both sides of the argument and provide your own opinion, which is crucial for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples is commendable, as they help support your arguments and illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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