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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the chanages in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the chanages in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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The charts illustrate the changes in
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
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possessed
Correct pronoun usage
that possessed
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 electrical devices,
as well as
Linking Words
 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent weekly performing daily chores in some
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 from 1920 to 2019.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of families owned washing
mashines
Correct your spelling
machines
, refrigerators and vacuum cleaners increased throughout the period.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 spent every week on doing housework dropped significantly by the end of
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
. Focusing first on the percentage of households with electrical appliances, in 1920, 30% and 40% of families had vacuum cleaners and washing
mashines
Correct your spelling
machines
,
whereas
Linking Words
 none of them possessed refrigerators.
However
Linking Words
, by 1960, the situation had changed significantly, as the proportion of refrigerator owners rose
charply
Correct your spelling
sharply
, with 90% of these appliance owners,
while
Linking Words
 for two other devices, the corresponding figures were
with
Change preposition
apply
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70% for each of them. By the end of the period, we can see that the number of refrigerators increased steadily, reaching the level of 100% which was the same as for vacuum cleaners. Regarding washing
mashines
Correct your spelling
machines
, the percentage for
this
Linking Words
 category was 30% lower. As for the duration of
time
Use synonyms
 spent on housework, in1920, people dedicated 50
hours
Use synonyms
 weekly to
this
Linking Words
 activity,
while
Linking Words
 by 1960, the
time
Use synonyms
 shortened by 30
hours
Use synonyms
, with its following decrease to only 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per week by 2019.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • appliance ownership
  • technological advancements
  • housework
  • efficiency
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • societal roles
  • gender dynamics
  • automation
  • manual labor
  • domestic chores
  • leisure time
  • quality of life
  • smart technology
  • artificial intelligence
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