IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on building more public parks and sports facilities, while others believe that it is better to invest in public transportation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The Usage of government money has been a controversial issue all the time. On one hand, some argue that more money should be spent on public facilities like parks and sports,
while
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 others assert that public transportation should be upgraded.
This
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 essay will explore
both
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 perspectives and provide an opinion on the matter. Proponents of the former view believe that
this
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 facility will help people to boost their health as they will be motivated by
availability
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the availability
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 of more public parks and gyms.
This
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 is evident that easy access to all these will lead them to be health conscious, and prefer to go for walks and exercise.
Moreover
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, it will help them to foster healthy habits
instead
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 of having a sedentary lifestyle. In
this
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 way, healthy people will bring more healthy productivity.
On the other hand
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,those who agree with the second idea,argue that better transportation will help to eliminate environmental pollution
as well as
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 traffic jams on roads. Owing the betterment of buses and trains
,
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apply
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 will attract
the
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apply
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people to commute via it which will help to decrease the congestion on roads, and
then
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 there will be less emission of harmful gases.
Thus
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, it will help to solve
this
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 pressing environmental pollution issue.
while
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both
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 sides have merit, it is evident that
both
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 fields
has
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have
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 their own importance. I think there should be a balanced approach for
both
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 to do equal development in
both
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 sectors as these are equally important to the common person.So, government money should be allocated to
both
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 industries or depending on the area's needs.

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task achievement
Expand the introduction to clearly outline both viewpoints and your opinion more explicitly. This will set a stronger foundation for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that connects to the overall argument, improving logical flow.
task achievement
Include specific examples or statistics to support your arguments for both viewpoints, making your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Check for minor grammatical errors, such as in 'those who agree with the second idea,' which could be improved with more clarity.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view of both perspectives, showing an understanding of the issue.
structure
You've made a good attempt to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational activities
  • obesity
  • community cohesion
  • social interaction
  • mental health
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental pollution
  • commuting
  • financial savings
  • productivity
  • access to education
  • employment opportunities
  • underprivileged populations
  • urban development
  • accessibility
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