IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

At the present time, populations of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages whats your opinion?

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Nowadays, the population of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major number of countries is represented by
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of young ones.
However
Linking Words
, some countries are on
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
oposite
Correct your spelling
opposite
. Their demography status allows them to avoid common problems concerning the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
, but at the
same
Add a comma
same,
show examples
 it has some disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
assay
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
 will discuss how
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a whole
nation
Use synonyms
 and what
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ideal ratio
is suppose
Change the verb form
is supposed
show examples
 to be
by
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion. The
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
 is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 problem in the world, so we are informed well about all negative points. Downsides include the falling of the number of working
people
Use synonyms
, the
grown
Replace the word
growing
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 burden on
healtcare servises
Correct your spelling
healthcare services
 and the decreasing development of technology. The
dimished
Correct your spelling
diminished
 of employable
people
Use synonyms
 is the acutes problem because of
influensing
Correct your spelling
influencing
 on
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. The
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
emploers
Correct your spelling
employers
employees
 are, the less money a
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
. Afterwards, it
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
necessary to increase taxes as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is happening in Japan
for example
Linking Words
. So the
changing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ratio of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 side
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to avoid
such
Linking Words
 problems.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the predominance of
Use synonyms
generation
Add an article
the generation
show examples
 below 30 years in the modern world is poorly researched. Before,
such
Linking Words
ratio
Correct article usage
a ratio
show examples
 existed
due to
Linking Words
short-long
Correct word choice
the short
show examples
 life of an average man.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is not predictable what kind of social issues it can
produse
Correct your spelling
produce
 at the current time. We can assume that the predominance of
low-expirience
Correct your spelling
low-experience
 adults may affect on efficiency of each process
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially in
politic
Fix the agreement mistake
politics
show examples
. The large
generation
Use synonyms
 gap creates a lot of conflicts. Young
people
Use synonyms
 can be more risky, so it may
influense
Correct your spelling
influence
 on
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
social stability.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some poor regions of
Africa
Add a comma
Africa,
show examples
 there are
living
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mostly young citizens and these regions are engulfed in civil war. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the decreasing of
Use synonyms
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 gap would improve
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
show examples
 of the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
nation
Use synonyms
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 acute
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the rejuvenation
nation
Use synonyms
. But at the same time,
predominance
Add an article
the predominance
a predominance
show examples
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 can affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
social stability. In my opinion, the demographic rate should consist of a little
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 old
people
Use synonyms
, than young ones so that it can develop economic growth but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it should not increase the
generation
Use synonyms
 gap.

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task achievement
The introduction contains some inaccuracies and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'oposite', 'assay'). Clarify your thesis statement, possibly rephrasing to clearly state your position on the advantages and disadvantages of the demographic situation.
coherence and cohesion
Try to present your arguments in a more organized manner. Each paragraph should have a clear focus, and topic sentences can help guide the reader. Consider using linking words to improve fluency and connections between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Address grammatical errors and vocabulary issues throughout the essay (e.g., 'influensing', 'employers', 'govenment'). Improving language accuracy is crucial for achieving a higher score.
task achievement
While you offer examples, they could be clearer and more relevant to strengthen your arguments (e.g., the example about Africa could elaborate on how young populations might influence specific aspects of society).
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both advantages and disadvantages related to young populations.
task achievement
You provide some good insights about the impact of demographics on society and economy which show critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • economic growth
  • innovation
  • burden
  • resources
  • intergenerational
  • vibrancy
  • social security
  • underemployment
  • population pyramid
  • creativity
  • cultural movements
  • public services
  • wisdom
  • balance
What to do next:
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