IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is generally accepted that working part-time to earn money as a teenager is essential. While this activity may educate youngsters the basics of working and discipline, it can also affect their resting time. Thus, this essay will discuss both views

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Common
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that having a
part-timetime
Correct your spelling
part-time
 career as
Correct article usage
an adolescents
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adolescents
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescent
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 help in earning and collecting money .
Linking Words
As well as
Rephrase
It also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 young people to learn about working rules ,but it
have
Change the verb form
has
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negative
Add an article
a negative
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 impact on their free
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the positive side of getting apart part-
time
Use synonyms
 job as it helps young adolescents to be more professional and the negative impact of having a restless day. Teenage employees in part-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs have basic incomes that help them to get what they want .
In addition
Linking Words
, they trained to be professional during
work
Use synonyms
 hours, and have
time
Use synonyms
 management skills. Because when they come late to
work
Use synonyms
 it reduces their salary and if their boss feels happy about their
work
Use synonyms
 they will get more bonus. Part-
time
Use synonyms
 employees have difficulty taking enough rest or free
time
Use synonyms
 activity. Between schools and jobs , teenagers may
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not have
time
Use synonyms
 to study for their exams except when their boss modifies their schedule.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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 a high rate of depression could be found among them
due to
Linking Words
overloaded
Correct article usage
an overloaded
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 schedule between
work
Use synonyms
 and study. Sometimes working in a part-
time
Use synonyms
 job will make it impossible to start doing their
hoppy
Correct your spelling
hobby
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. In conclusion,
part-timetime
Correct your spelling
part-time
 teenage employees earn money , learn the
work
Use synonyms
 ethic and respect
time
Use synonyms
 at a young age. Despite that fact, they may have some issues related to free
time
Use synonyms
 and taking rest from school or
work
Use synonyms
 , so they need to
work
Use synonyms
 in balance and modify their schedule when needed.

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structure
Your introduction should clearly outline the main points you will discuss in your essay. Consider rephrasing for clarity and to better reflect the views you will address. For example, explicitly state the benefits and drawbacks you'll explain.
coherence
Try to create a clearer connection between the paragraphs. Using linking words like 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', or 'In conclusion' can help improve the flow of your ideas. This structure makes it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on your points with specific examples or anecdotes. For instance, when discussing time management skills, you might mention a specific scenario where effective time management positively affected a student's performance.
content
You've included both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion in IELTS essays. This shows an understanding of the task requirements.
structure
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the points made, indicating that you have considered both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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