IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 contemporary epoch, it has become increasingly common in society to
get
Verb problem
be
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 influenced by advertisements shown for different products. The notion that advertisements
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
,
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 only representing their traits and capabilities rather than meeting customer needs is a viewpoint held by many. I agree with
this
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 conviction as the relentless competition among companies is initiating brands to use
such
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techniques
Use synonyms
 through advertisements which can not only defeat their counterparts but
also
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 inclines their profit margin. To commence with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 believing that
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 marketing
techniques
Use synonyms
 are focusing on empowering their business more. First and foremost is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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it has been a daunting task to maintain the value of a product in
market
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the market
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 for
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 period as there are chances of people getting bored of
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 quality and representation of a product and
thus
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,
comapnies
Correct your spelling
companies
 use
advertisement
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 to add creativity and high level of visualising effects to enhance the
overall
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 look which
have
Change the verb form
has
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 no connection in focusing on customer needs and demands.
Likewise
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,there are enormous brands which already experience hype from society for their material and eventually,
such
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 companies do not contribute much
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
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on
Change preposition
apply
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what customers are
rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
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 their
voice
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voices
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 for.
For instance
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, brands like
gucci
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Gucci
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, prada,
Correct word choice
and celine
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celine
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Celine
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 produce
such
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 effects through
Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
showing someone carrying a bag on a beach in
rain
Correct article usage
the rain
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impress
Fix the infinitive
to impress
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cutomers
Correct your spelling
customers
 ultimately despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
focusing on
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 and
tarits
Correct your spelling
traits
 of that bag. In my opinion,
such
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 marketing effects
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not rendering negative repercussions currently but if high usage of
advertisement
Use synonyms
techniques
Use synonyms
will continue
Wrong verb form
continues
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 to display only visualisation
then
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ratio
Add an article
the ratio
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 of posterity raising voices on their
cusomer
Correct your spelling
customer
 rights will incline eventually.
To conclude
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,
although
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Use synonyms
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
is benefiting
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 society in many ways
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it is crystal clear from
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 testimonials that companies should use
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
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 proportion of power and
techniques
Use synonyms
while
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cosidering
Correct your spelling
considering
 customer needs as significant.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details relate directly to that idea. Try to enhance the logical flow between your points.
language
Be careful with grammatical structures and improve your lexical resource by using more precise vocabulary. Check for spelling mistakes and typos (e.g., 'nowdays' should be 'nowadays').
task achievement
Make sure your examples clearly support your arguments. For instance, expanding on why the advertisement strategies of brands like Gucci and Prada effectively distract from product quality could enhance your argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and attempts to justify your viewpoint with examples.
coherence
The essay has a recognizable structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is essential for coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
What to do next:
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