IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsiblity. What are your opinions on this?

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In many nations,
children
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work
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 in
mainor
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major
 jobs. Some people do not like the fact that
children
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work
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,
while
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 others believe that it teaches
responsiblity
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responsibility
. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 both
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 has valid points, so in
this
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essay
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essay,
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 we will consider both
point
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points
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 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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. On one hand, it is correct that
children
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 engaging in paid
work
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 that young could be harmful
for
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to
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 them if not supervised. Some people believe that young
children
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 will not have any time to live their childhood if they start doing
work
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.
One
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On
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 the other hand, kids could learn a lot of things about money and spending if they start their
work
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journy
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journey
 young. It could be simple stuff at home like cleaning their rooms or doing the dishes. In conclusion, it is not easy to choose a side
becasue
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because
 both
vies
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sides
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 have very good points in their arguments.

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task achievement
Consider developing your arguments further with more elaboration and examples to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs. This will help improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar throughout your essay for greater clarity and to enhance readability.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main points nicely, showing your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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