IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of super markets in some countries , many small local business are unable to compete . some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. to what extent do you agree and disagree?

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The rapid growth of
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 has led to
erosion
Correct article usage
the erosion
show examples
 of local and small businesses. Some people believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the shutdown of local
corporations
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 can lead to
death
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the death
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 of local
communities
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.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement , the extent of
this
Linking Words
negavtive
Correct your spelling
negative
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
has various factors. On the one hand , small businesses play a crucial role in
maintaning
Correct your spelling
maintaining
the social fabric . They create jobs for local
communities
Use synonyms
 , personalized services and contribute
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 growth of
local
Add an article
the local
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 economy .Large
corporations
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 dominate
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
businsess
Correct your spelling
business
businesses
 and retailers, as they have
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the
show examples
advantage of the scale of economies , make hard to combat
with
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apply
show examples
them .
This
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 , in turn, closures of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local
corporations
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retailers , leading to weaker
realationships
Correct your spelling
relationships
relationship
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communities
Change preposition
in communities
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, as no interaction with familiar shopkeepers and suppliers.
Additionally
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 ,
supermarkets
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 are more engaged with profits over
to
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apply
show examples
supporting local products , as they try to find cheaper
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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from other states , eventually causing damage to
local
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the local
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 economy.
On the other hand
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 the rise of
supermarkets
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causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 challenges to
local
Correct article usage
the local
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papulation
Correct your spelling
population
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, it
also
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enchancing
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enhancing
 the quality of life of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
average earner.
In other words
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,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are more
budget friendly
Add a hyphen
budget-friendly
show examples
 as they have a scale of economies which allow them to provide affordable prices of food and daily essentials.Moving
further
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,
supermarkerts
Correct your spelling
supermarkets
also
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 have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 to
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
Correct article usage
the
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employment rate ,thereby
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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for locals
settle
Fix the infinitive
to settle
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 down with their careers .
In addition
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 , in some cases, big
corporations
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also
Linking Words
 donate a significant amount of money to build better infrastructure for
public
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the public
show examples
 . In conclusion,
although
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 the expansion of
supermarkets
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 is inevitable, it should not
came
Change the verb form
come
show examples
out
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
expenses
Fix the agreement mistake
expense
show examples
 of local
communities
Use synonyms
, even if it has several advantages.
However
Linking Words
 ,it
also
Linking Words
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on locals how they adopt or deal with
such
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 changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 markets.A viable solution to mitigate negative impacts is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 government should support local
corporations
Use synonyms
 and suppliers by implementing favoured policies and subsidising them.

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main arguments you will discuss in your essay. Make sure it is concise and directly addresses the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more effectively.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate on your points with more examples or data to support your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of supermarkets, which shows a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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