IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (suld as cell phone) or service (e.g. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed that price is considered an essential factor when purchasing a
product
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as; a television or a service like insurance or medical aid. In my opinion, Price is thought to be one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 when buying a
product
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 In services like medical aid, it is not considered.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when purchasing a
product
Use synonyms
 like
cellular
Add an article
a cellular
show examples
 phone or laptop, People tend to consider cost as the most important criterion because; there is a huge range of products available at varied prices.
For example
Linking Words
, An individual can purchase a mobile phone for 12000 rupees and
also
Linking Words
 80000 rupees depending on the budget.
However
Linking Words
, when we talk about medical treatment or medicines, the major concern is
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of the individual.
Health
Use synonyms
 care is an inseparable part of life in today's era as there are a huge amount of food items infiltrated with harmful substances.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy lifestyles cases of obesity and hypertension are
also
Linking Words
 increasing which makes
health
Use synonyms
 care very important. In conclusion, People consider
product
Use synonyms
 price the most important thing, Because they are available at variable prices.
whereas
Linking Words
, Prices are ignored for
health
Use synonyms
 care
due to
Linking Words
 the increasing infiltration of food products and unhealthy lifestyles.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking phrases to improve the flow of your essay, which will help connect your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples or data to support your arguments more convincingly, especially when citing trends or statistics.
task achievement
You have done a good job of explaining your viewpoint clearly, presenting a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction indicates a clear understanding of the topic and sets the stage for your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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